Can I Talk My Shift?
The Can I Talk My Shift podcast is the number one place for intrapersonal accountability, emotional wellness, sobriety, and a whole lot of other SHIFTS. It is hosted by Sam Walker INSPO, a self-published authorprenuer, and Lashawn Gee, a Hall of Fame track athlete turned Discipline and Mindset coach. The two experienced losses at crucial points in their lives, Sam with the tragic death of his mom when he was 15, and Lashawn with her father passing away at 19 years old. With no proper grief etiquette to pull from, they now realize how much parental loss, and much more, played a major role in their "emotional mismanagement.”
Their talk-show coaching style aims to demystify, educate, reintroduce, and face the harsh truths surrounding emotional intelligence, sobriety, wellness, and much more by explaining how to integrate shifts into everyday life.
Healing and reading are necessary for every individual, no matter their status, successes, or industry/business they're involved in. The couple's goal is to aid in the healing of our community and get one million people back to the basics of reading one book per month. The SHIFT has begun… start listening now.
Can I Talk My Shift?
From Force to Flow: Parenting Beyond the Norms
What if you approached parenthood not as a series of challenges to overcome, but as an opportunity for growth and discovery? Join us as we explore the theme of "forcing versus flowing" in parenthood, sharing personal stories from becoming parents at different life stages. We dive into the nuances of balancing traditional and non-traditional roles while celebrating the unique journeys of parenting later in life. Hear candid reflections on embracing parenthood with flexibility and the insights that maturity brings to our parenting experiences.
Age is but a number, yet it brings a wealth of experiences that shape our parenting journey. We examine societal perceptions of age differences in relationships and how they influence our roles as parents. From the surprise of becoming a first-time parent over 40 to navigating the joys and complexities of long-distance parenting, we discuss how past experiences, both personal and professional, have prepared us for the unexpected twists of raising children. Our conversation highlights the importance of self-awareness and the ongoing evolution of parental roles, recognizing that each stage of life offers new lessons and perspectives.
Balancing work and family life is a challenge faced by many, and we offer insights into finding harmony between the two. Whether you’re pursuing a traditional career or carving out a non-traditional path, we emphasize the importance of authenticity and self-care. Discover how establishing daily routines and embracing flexibility can transform your parenting experience, allowing you to create a nurturing environment that supports both personal growth and familial well-being. This episode invites you to consider unconventional parenting paths and encourages you to find the balance that best suits your family’s needs.
yo yo, welcome to the. Can I talk my shift podcast, season three, episode two your girl lashon g and your boy sam walker. I n s p? O. What up, bae?
Lashawn:what it do love what's the deal? Man, just another manic monday. It's not really not manic. I just wanted to say that what it do people?
Sam:The lights are low, the glasses are full and you would think, oh man, another typical relationship podcast. Tis, tis, tis, projecting your negativity over here. Don't do that. Don't do that, man. Do not do that. You were tuned in to the can I talk my shift podcast, the number one place for self-accountability, self-awareness and leadership in life after after loss. Excuse me, yeah, I think that apple juice and that fruit punch getting to me you're getting a little nice off the juice off the juice, the juice.
Sam:How did I ever make it off four locos in the past? Yo, that's crazy man I think about in juice.
Lashawn:You remember juice j-o-o-s-e I do, I just have never had it how you okay? I've seen it.
Sam:I've never seen it, but you know you don't remember being off the juice for local. Never uh for local there was no reason for us to be drinking cans of that. Oh my goodness, and live to tell the tale for sure my gosh an energy drink and alcohol combined in a big ass can for like three dollars I will never, and also very much so, forget spring break 2003 yeah, see, which brings us to our topic today parenthood.
Sam:Parents teach your kids about the dangers of a of a canned alcoholic drink, a canned flavored alcoholic beverage with ginseng and energy all up and through it.
Lashawn:Yeah, we teach them about it, and more but before we get into this episode new parents episode be sure to subscribe to this podcast show, be sure to rate the podcast, give us five stars, let us know that you dig us. And also, you know, share your favorite download and share your favorite episode. Again, this is season three, so you got a whole lot to catch up on. If you're new to us, yeah, that's all I wanted to say before that. But you know, new parents episode. You know we're really going to be talking about forcing and flowing in this. You know I was really thinking, I know you, you, you asked me come up with some topics, come up, come up with some things. And you know, at my first thought I was like parenting. But I also take into account how we have been navigating this new season in our life, um, and what came to me was forcing versus flowing, and I came up with some subtopics that I didn't share with you. But you know what? We keeping it raw and real over here that's how I really be.
Sam:I don't be knowing until I'm in it, and then I'm in it, and then I got to navigate through it.
Lashawn:And it's going to be all right because you are the most authentic when you kind of go from the cuff. So it'll be harmless, though It'll be.
Sam:So this episode is dedicated to the new parents, or just parenthood in general, or what?
Lashawn:This is dedicated to the new parents and the parents who you know maybe need to push reset okay, that reset button is real it's so real, it's real if, whatever you think parenthood is about or what it's like, let Let me tell you it ain't that.
Sam:It's a whole lot more we're giving you our perspective too, and that's not even in a negative way that I'm coming off, you know what.
Sam:I'm saying, I'm just saying in general, you should go in without no expectations, without any Right, any expectations whatsoever, because what you're going to find and I'm sure we're going to touch on this later, or some somewhere in between, or whatever you base all of your parental experience, or you expect your vision to be like how it was for your parents, because that's all you have to go off of, or other friends that are parents before you, and so you have this, this idea right of what you think it is, until you win it, and then you realize yo nah, this ain't what, what I thought it was going to be.
Lashawn:Or even your first kid to your second kid.
Sam:Yeah.
Lashawn:Or even your third kid, if you have one.
Sam:Or your eighth.
Lashawn:You know it be's like that sometimes.
Sam:Yeah.
Lashawn:But it always is ever evolving, ever changing, and so a few things that I wanted to talk about today that I thought would be valuable to the listening audience. So one subtopic for me, one subtopic for you, and then the other two subtopics for both of us. So the first one is being a new mom over 40. The second one, being a new dad 10 years later, and then the other two subtopics working traditional jobs versus non-traditional jobs. Jobs, and then what one question what are we, what have we been forcing versus what are we allowing to flow as new parents?
Sam:I think those are great topics. I think that is this is got the makings of a dope show, authentic show I think so.
Lashawn:Yeah, I think so. Um, you know we are not a super typical couple. You know, maybe celebrities have this going for them. You hear it a lot. You know one spouse is a little bit older than the other spouse and you know it could be by eight years, 10 years, 20 years. You know we have a seven year difference.
Sam:I. You know what's crazy when you say that I forget.
Lashawn:I do too.
Sam:I forget that you're seven years older than me. Yeah. And so when we bring it up now, as like we're not the typical couple and all that, it just kind of really dawned on me just now Like, oh shit, like you're right.
Lashawn:But it is like hey, fun fact.
Sam:But it's seven years, a lot, I thought. I thought it had to be like 15 or like even like 12, you know, like a double digit.
Lashawn:Think of it this way. This is not us. But think of somebody who is 23 married to someone who is 30.
Sam:Yeah, but I'm thinking you know, after, after 30, like you know if act, like if you're 30 years old and your partner is anywhere 38 and up, yeah, looking back it's like, oh man, that person was a cougar, or that that dude is a pedophile, or something like that. Right, but that's you can't. I'm not saying that Right, but that's you can't. I'm not saying that that's me. I'm just saying you can't project that onto the person. Right.
Sam:But just to bring it back real quick, I just, it just drew me for a loop because I'd be forgetting that we have a, that we have a seven year difference, and that's it.
Lashawn:I only, I am only. It only comes to my mind when I think about when we kind of play around and I ask you about something and you're like nah, like if I ask you oh, have you seen, do you remember when blah blah, blah, blah was out and you were like, and you'd be like nah, or like, for instance, when earlier, when we were talking about uh, what's love got to do with it, and I was like, you know, it was probably very appropriate that you didn't watch this when it came out, but for me and maybe it wasn't appropriate for me either but a seven year age difference watching that movie, you know, and so it just kind of came to me like wow, of course he wouldn't have watched this when it came out he wasn't.
Sam:It wasn't appropriate. The songs sound the same. You know. They're all starting to sound the same so bad.
Lashawn:Now what a? Song sound the same anime what a dysfunctional couple, you know, um, but yeah, so it comes to mind to me only in times like that, when you ask me about something like a particular show, and I'm like I don't remember that. And then I think about it and it's like, oh, that was past my developing time, but for you it was prime time. For you that was, that was a particular show or game that you did.
Sam:No, well, ok, yeah, I get what you know, not everything, just some just.
Lashawn:I got you Some things but on that for a little bit longer. But, um, in the sense of being a new parent, a first time parent at my age is very different, different very different than, um, I feel like would have been if we were, if I were 10 years younger.
Lashawn:Um, I think about where I was 10 years younger, what I was doing, um, whatever my situation was at that time, my mindset even at that age, even at 23, at 23, at 33, at 43, very different mindsets. Out of college, you know, it's all post-collegiate but out of college, working a real job, you know, doing all the things that you, that in in a, in our society's head, would say, oh well, I mean you're equipped, you should be equipped. I mean you're never really ready to have a child, right, that's the, that's the cliche thing. But I will say that at this age, for me being a first time parent, having us having conceived, naturally, me having a smooth pregnancy journey, and even with her coming into the world, and really not giving us a lot of, like grief, um, I think that some people might give us this, give us, give me the side eye and say you know, oh, you know.
Lashawn:I feel like someone will always have something to say like oh, you just wait until she's two, wait until she starts calling. Oh, you just wait until she starts talking, she's not gonna stop it's. I feel like I would get that same, you know, oh, you just wait. But I also feel like I'm, mentally I am at a place where I'm able to manage that. Wait till she gets, wait till she gets. Versus feeling unraveled, maybe as a younger first time I got you.
Sam:So you're saying that you feel like your age has something to do with or your maturity? Right, because it doesn't really matter. You could be 50 years old and still be like, have the emotional maturity of an eight-year-old. True, you know?
Lashawn:I'm saying but for me, where I am, where I am mentally um, especially when it comes to kids. Now there are some things that still throw me for a loop at this age, like job situation, which we'll talk about that, but I feel like from the standpoint of having a child and being experienced with children, because there are plenty of first time parents who are like I've never held a child before my own, it's- that thing.
Sam:That's the thing that I think separates you from other parents or other women who have had children at your age. Right, they weren't in the school system and they weren't coaching, and they weren't around kids prior to and also, they didn't have a helping hand in raising right younger children, not just one or two or three or four or five, but five plus. Yes, you know what I'm saying. So you already having that experience growing up as you were maturing, I think helps you out.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:Tremendously. Yeah, you know it kind of puts you started you at level two. You know, what I'm saying, the different. The real, true difference is like I can't give this child back to nobody. This is my child, you know what I'm saying. You had opportunity to give them back to their parents. My, exactly, my child. You know I'm saying you had opportunity to give them back to their parents. Right, be right there with them. But but?
Lashawn:but experiencing those things, those milestones, those that newness from a very young age I mean I was 11 when I, when I was first introduced to being around babies, all infants and newborns infants, babies so early, all the time, um, I'm very grateful for it. And I will also still say now, as a first time mom there's nothing like your own like you know, she is unlike any other baby I've ever experienced.
Lashawn:You know, I've experienced babies who wake up in the middle of the night, crying, crying, crying, crying, crying. I've experienced babies who just don't like certain things and never liked them. You know, I've experienced varying degrees of crying, varying degrees of cooperating uh, just different, but there is nothing like your own. I will say that. I've heard that before and to me it's like yeah, that is very true, it's nothing like your own. You can't give them back, they don't come with manuals and the only thing you can do is work on the bond that you create between you and yours got it, and I rock with that because, you know, being with you for as long as I have, I can see those things right.
Sam:I also think another thing, that which is one of the things that I admired about you. Let me say that first I get my kudos, get my points up. It is something that I admired about you because you were always, um, you were never wavering on this thing that I'm about to say. But two, on this thing that I'm about to say, is that it also, it also kept you youthful in a way, and what that thing is is that you wanted to be a parent.
Sam:See, a lot of the times, there isn't too many people that I know personally who wanted to be a parent okay I'm not saying that it has to be a planned thing, I'm saying just in general they're not thinking yo, I want this right and I'm prepped for it and I'm geared up for it and I'm excited about it and ready to go until after they get the news.
Lashawn:Right, I see, I see, got it.
Sam:You were already like that prior to even giving me the news. This is one thing that you want it to be, yeah. See what.
Sam:I'm saying yes. So I think for men it's a little different because you know, now one of my homies was like that. He's like y'all. I was looking forward to being a dad. I want to be a dad. You know, sad to say, I don't know how that is with amongst us and our culture as men. Right, if that's something that we want to be and we're like yo, we just setting out goals to be that, or if it's a reactionary thing, See what I'm saying.
Sam:And we're like yo Woman dropped the news on us, our wife girl at the time, whatever, a lot of the times I get hit with a negative reaction Connotation comes with it. We not like the most exciting, or even if we are, we still not. We weren't thinking about it enough for it to have an impact on our decisions yes whereas you and most women, uh, I can't, I don't know, I don't, I don't want to say a lot of women, because there's a lot who are like in the same boat as us.
Sam:You know I'm saying but for your situation, you always wanted that right, so you were always optimistic. You're always hopeful, right even through all the adversity that you had prior to meeting me and even meeting me, um, you know that was an unwavering thing for you.
Lashawn:Yes, you see what I'm saying. Did I think it would happen?
Lashawn:You know, I just wasn't sure and I think once I became detached from the idea of the biological clock and oh my gosh, I need to be with this right person, this perfect, perfect. Oh my gosh, I need to be with this right person, this perfect, perfect. Like, after I detached from what I thought it would look like to have children in my life, it became easier to say hey, if it does, if it doesn't, I have options. You know, like I open myself up to more and I think also it took a lot of stress off of me as well, but I wanted to say, you know, I do believe that there are a lot of men out there who want to be dads, are like I can't wait to be a dad. I really, I really want to be dads, are like I can't wait to be a dad.
Lashawn:I really I really want to be absolutely, but they don't vocalize it because I just don't think that's something that men always bring up in conversation is, I think, like you like you were saying it's reactionary right from the woman sharing the news.
Sam:I think that it's not at the top of mind.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:It may be a goal, but the thing about us is we're always purpose driven first usually, and we know that's like the thing that come with it. We don't want that first. We think that we need to have the other things in place first before that happens. Right To be the best version of ourselves to be respected, best version of ourselves to be respected by our family. So you won't really hear us discussing those things unless we're in a position where we can handle it financially typically. That's how that's how it goes I got.
Sam:You know, I'm saying yeah and, but most of the time that's not the case in our culture.
Lashawn:Yeah, american culture or?
Sam:I'm going to say black culture.
Lashawn:OK.
Sam:I don't know about American, because you know you couple in like groups of people who trust funds or who are around family members who put them in position to have a certain type of stability, Right, Right, and they're able to see it. Whereas in black culture we come from a lot Most I ain't gonna say most because I don't need people butchering what I'm saying. Maybe, like more times than not, you hear a story of men from our culture that come from unstable homes.
Lashawn:So we're not thinking of trying to do something and create instability because we don't even know how to be stable ourself yet American culture because, and American black culture because if you take somebody who is living a more laid back lifestyle, like island people, like island culture, laid back, everything's slow, everything is is cool, it'll happen, it's fine, yeah, it's. I have had conversations with people who are of island caribbean descent who are like I can't wait to be a parent, I'm looking forward to it, it'll be fine and you know that baby's going to be loved and you know it doesn't matter if we have all the money in the world or no money, that baby's going to be taken care of and I mean they're just really excited to have a child. Again, I don't know what that conversation looks like on a regular with men who are caribbean descent, but I have heard them be very excited to welcome a child, whether or not their financial status, their stability will quote unquote allow it.
Sam:Yeah, and I think what has to play a part in that is, like you said, the culture and the lifestyle. That's a whole nother lifestyle that a lot of people can't even fathom right they'll attach luxury to it, but take the luxury out of it and just what you said, because they're very centered they tend to be very centered, like you said, very laid back, very, uh, in tune with nature, right, so they're balanced right right.
Sam:So then there's room for them to consider those things at a younger age, whereas if you come back into american culture, right there is the hustle and grind, right there is the it's the, it's the me and the I before the we and the team right, right, I gotta do, I gotta make my plant, my flag in the soil somewhere to be somebody right see what I'm saying beforehand.
Sam:We ain didn't get into any type of spiritual thing is very capitalistic capitalism. It's very segregated in the sense of I know integration happened, y'all do, I know that, but it's segregated in the sense that we are divided. We are divided.
Sam:So not only are we divided racially, but then we're divided, you know, by sexes, and then we're divided even in those things, because now we got a lot of the other things. They, them, we, us, all of these other subcategories that keep us divided. We can't even get into a space where we're like thinking of a household and a family right, but not without thinking about the, the stresses of it yeah, which is?
Lashawn:you know it, I don't know. It's almost like a big red X or big red question mark on the whole family dynamic in and of itself.
Sam:Yeah, for sure. But shout out to the guys out there, man, who have always wanted children, who are bred for that, who have been programmed and raised in a way where you have been looking forward to that since whenever you could first think about it, no matter the age. If that was a goal of yours and you were able to accomplish it in the best way possible, I salute you, and even the women out there who have wanted to not only be homemakers, but family makers and dynasty makers, using your golden uh womb and the queen portal to birth amazing, amazing children into the world I salute y'all kudos.
Lashawn:Salute, because that wasn Salute.
Sam:Cause, that wasn't me.
Lashawn:Gold stars.
Sam:That wasn't me.
Lashawn:Yes, which segues us to the next, the next sub topic Becoming a dad again 10 years later.
Sam:That was man. I will say, you know, just real quick, before I even go to the inverse, now I like, as we're having this conversation, I was thinking to myself was? I even thinking about having kids. I just knew what type of children I was gonna have. I wasn't in the mindset of I need to be prepped for it, for when it happens, Right. I automatically had it in my mind, etched in my mind like when I get married, then I'm going to have kids.
Lashawn:OK, so you did have the thought yeah, come up.
Sam:But I was in no way shape or form doing making any decisions to align with that thought.
Lashawn:Yeah, ok, got you, I got you.
Sam:So you know, if, whoever I was dealing with at those times before my first daughter was born, they would ask me, you know, like, oh, do you want kids? Yeah, you know I mean I might have a girl. Is yeah, yeah, you know I mean I might have a girl. Like I just know I'm gonna have a girl because of my history, all of this, you know, everybody make jokes of, like the, the men, who, who's out here?
Sam:they they get daughters to teach them the lesson about how to treat women. And you see, I'm saying like that was always the catalyst for me okay, you know I'm saying oh, pretty much being like a fuck boy, you gonna learn your lesson by getting a girl, yeah, which is a a very negative way to prepare a man to have a beautiful relationship with the daughter, but we won't talk about that.
Lashawn:That's why it's the big red x or red question mark as to if you even want to have that family, it's. It's like everything around becoming a parent in our culture is got a negative stamp.
Sam:Oh, my gosh dark cloud yeah, and so for me it was always that thing, like I I just told you was. I had this goal that I needed to attain, and the only way that I could be a good dad is if I attain this goal first, which would set up the rest of the family financially, so then that way things wouldn't be as hard like they were for me and my brother growing up with a single mom and, of course, it didn't happen the way that I envisioned it happening.
Sam:And so, um yes, my first daughter. She's now 11 years old.
Lashawn:Man, a light so amazing a light.
Sam:She's so amazing wise beyond years, not just because she's my daughter, but because that is her soul and has an amazing mother, an amazing mother, an amazing stepdad. It took us a while to get to that place, but I feel like I'm comfortable enough and confident enough to say that they are doing a great job with raising her.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:And their two kids, right, and that family unit and that nucleus. Of course, everybody has things they could work on, but there's no need to nitpick because that's because everyone in the world has something to work on exactly so, but back to her, a freaking light for sure, like man, changed my whole outlook. I think I took the time with her for granted because even after she was first born, I wasn't in the mindset of being a father. Being a dad, I was still about self. Yeah, I was still about self yeah.
Sam:Although I loved her, I loved her and I still love her, I wasn't in the mindset that I'm in now. I still had things that I needed to accomplish.
Lashawn:Gotcha and.
Sam:I thought I had to accomplish them in the ways that I was doing them. I wasn't bred or prepared for being in a marriage, a relationship or being a parent. For God's sakes, I still had a coupe when she was born.
Lashawn:How are you going to get a car seat in and out of a coupe? I did you did you made it happen?
Sam:I would go pick her up from the daycare in the sports car with the loud pipes on it and pick her up, and yeah, so that's what I'm saying. You see, like the mindset wasn't even there.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:I was still trying to be this cool cat and trying to make it and get on in music.
Lashawn:Right, I still had an image Ah. I thought that the image should be to get on do you think she was the catalyst or the thing like the piece that shifted who you are, or who you who you thought you were going to be versus who you are?
Sam:You mean, like that's the reason why I'm not who I thought I was? Yes, her.
Lashawn:Yes, no.
Sam:Okay, no, because she was just a pure essence of a soul. It didn't really. It showed me that she deserved better, a better version of me, but that's not the reason why I stopped the music. Gotcha or the pursuit of music. Gotcha there was no God in what I was doing? What?
Lashawn:about from. Okay, so from the music standpoint and the image, I guess that entertainment realm that you thought you were supposed to be in Right, she wasn't the reason why you shifted from that. No, Was she the reason why you shifted any of your behaviors?
Sam:Yes.
Lashawn:Okay.
Sam:Yes.
Lashawn:But not the music, not the music.
Sam:Got it, but not the music. Not the music, not the music got it. She is the reason why I got sober, part of the reason why not the whole entire reason, part of the reason I became autodidactic and more studious, because I knew that from my work experience there were better ways of doing things for her health wise. Got it Right.
Lashawn:Now wait, autodidactic for those who do not understand that term self-taught, self-taught, all right, so self-taught.
Sam:You go and you research topics for yourself. You go dig and find uh, books and knowledge and then you apply it, you make it applicable in your own life. You don't just read it and then try to teach it for somebody, to somebody else, and you're not applying it yourself. Right, autodidactic, awesome, yeah, thank you, you're welcome.
Lashawn:Yeah, we want. We want to make sure our listeners are well versed in what we're talking about and begin to be adept at their own way of learning, their own way of understanding.
Sam:So oh, let me say this real quick. Yeah, and she was the reason why I started to challenge everything that I thought I knew and everything that I thought I was. Okay.
Sam:She was the one because of her existence. It made me challenge and question a lot yeah, everything when I was at, why I was working the job I was working, why I was, um, doing the things that I was doing. How's it going to be for her? Does anybody in my family even know the things that she would face, the things that she's going to face when she gets to be my age or their age?
Speaker 3:No one is really even considering this, because they're all wrapped up in where they are now.
Sam:So you know, that's the. That's the thing about kind of being a visionary. Yeah, it's kind of hard to do that and be a parent because you but at the same time it shouldn't be, but it is because you know you're so focused on, you're so ahead. Yeah. And so you got this body, who you want to be ahead with you. But they need you to bring them up to speed. But you can't bring them up to speed in the way that you would say another adult or older child, so you got to slow down.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:You got to slow down, but then you have a lot of questions to answer to fill that gap, because you're gonna have to provide them the answers that you didn't have the answers for right.
Lashawn:see what I'm saying because it's I mean it's essentially new to both of you right.
Sam:So she was the reason why I started to question any and everything in existence yeah right, in my, in my, in my realm and in my world.
Lashawn:I like that and and you know, I think it's it's important to do that. You know, um, this can be this will be another episode that we talk about but you know everything, from education to religion, to spirituality, to you know working, how we work, what we, what we do for work, especially since become even becoming pregnant not just her being in the world, but becoming pregnant and realizing how much I had to do to just to take care of myself even more during this time has really pushed me into questioning everything.
Lashawn:Right, you know the first ones make you do it, I believe that I literally question everything, and, and I'm thankful for it, and you know you've given me a lot of nudges in in questioning certain things which really lead to everything yeah you know, and I'm thankful for that.
Lashawn:I'm grateful for that because we can get stuck in just listening to what someone taught us and believing it for what it is, because we are supposed to trust the people that teach us things and we forget that we have. We also have our own minds and our own abilities to ask questions. You know to question.
Lashawn:I think that was one thing from a people pleasing standpoint that I missed out on was asking questions because I didn't think that I would be heard and I thought that if this person loves me, they know me, they know who I am, they don't, they wouldn't want to hurt me, they wouldn't want to hinder me from, fill in the blank, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't ask questions, even though I had questions, even though I, in my mind, I questioned a lot. It makes me feel now that, oh my gosh, I never want to have our daughter in a place where she doesn't feel like she can't ask us questions about things that we teach her, because I want her to be able to ask those questions and if she feels the desire need to do that search, do those searches on her own. She can and become empowered herself and that way she has knowledge, but she now is creating her own library of knowledge so that the things that she finds become her truth got you.
Sam:No, I, I feel that, I feel that and I want that for her as well, and we're going to give her that as well, and so I think that brings the difference between her, or being a second shot at parenting Right, and the 11 year, 10 year difference between them. Yeah. The biggest difference. Number one is the fact that who I am now is not who I was then. Yeah, that's just plain plain as day. The love is still the same right the love was always there.
Lashawn:Yeah, may not have been for the relationship, but the love that I have for my daughter yeah unwavering yeah, I love that and and I mean you know I've seen you dad yeah before yeah little boob got here and it's always been a beautiful thing to behold yeah, you know it's um, I didn't make.
Sam:I didn't always make the best decisions, especially with with my oldest, the oldest. I didn't, I didn't make the best decisions. I made the decisions based on where I thought it would better the situation. So the situation meaning the situation.
Lashawn:So the situation, meaning, the relationship.
Sam:Well better my financial circumstances.
Lashawn:Okay.
Sam:Better my pursuit for the goal that I was trying to attain at the time to then, because that's my process. Like I was saying before, before we're thinking of being a father, we're looking to conquer a thing. Right, and I was still in that conquering a thing and because I wasn't, I was no longer with her mother for most of that time. It was always a I was always kind of split. So you have times where, especially because work was abstract, I was producing at the time.
Sam:We had another show at the time me and my business partner at that time. So it was. It wasn't ideal. It wasn't ideal when her mother had a stable thing, that she was working on nine to five type of type of deal and I'm an entrepreneur who's out here filming. You know, I got to go here to get this bag, go there to get this bag, go there to get this bag.
Sam:Your hours are completely right, we're just, it's just two different worlds different and then I have to find a way to not only stop stop that but also provide means when that was the means of the income that I was using to help with raising.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:Right. Right or doing my part. Mm-hmm. So it was always conflicting because it's like you know, you didn't want me to do this thing the way that I was doing it, but you still want me to provide Mm-hmm. This is the only way I really know how to provide Mm-hmm, and this is the best way for me to provide, because it's going to allow me to get to the bigger bag right, and and so on and so forth. So for me, I'm thinking that I I made the decision for bag and status okay and this is just me being accountable.
Sam:At that time in those earlier ages, I was like I'm I gotta get this, because when she get older I can't be in the same place, so I gotta do it now I got you she's not gonna remember most of the time, from now until five, yeah, or three, right, and so it was. It was a lot to deal with because it was still guilt. It was still guilt, yeah, you know you had to go and do.
Sam:Right. So the difference, I would say, is that the oldest was dealing with a father who didn't have a solid foundation spiritually, right, a solid foundation holistically, because my health was was shot, right. I was a heavy drinker at the time. I was very, very unsatisfied with where I was, but wasn't making the changes to to make a better situation as a whole.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:Made a lot of excuses, so you were dealing with the unraveling man yeah the makings of an unraveling man, and now it's like she doesn't experience that the new. You know our daughter now, because it's a different, it's a whole different thing right you know, four years sober right. No meat, not for and and not for no religious reasons. Just that's what felt good for me yeah to do yeah walking and doing things that were better for me to be a better parent yeah and not looking at things from a lens of like well, who what they gonna think, you know?
Sam:yes um, and then also now it's just, it's different. The, the social media, the, the temperament of people is so different than what it was back then right that you have to be in a space to learn and be willing to learn a lot faster right and a lot more, because, man, you can't just be sending your kids any and everywhere not at all you, you know I'm saying not at all you can't do it, and and even probably when I was younger, you know, I don't think it was nearly as bad as it is now, and I'm only saying that because it'd be us.
Sam:That's what I'm talking about. I ain't talking about them, I'm talking about us. Like the temperament between family members is crazy.
Lashawn:Yes.
Sam:You know what I mean. Like it's a being a kid now and seeing the adults and how they unravel right in front of you at games. Right, you know what I'm saying? Right not to say that there isn't great coaches and great teachers, but they overworked and overstressed and underpaid too.
Lashawn:Exactly, and you have parents who are literally, I mean starting fights, arguing, cussing, just all the things. Big kids In front of and maybe that happened back when, maybe that happened in you know 2013 and you know the years preceding, but it did not happen the way that it is happening now, where you have people literally drawing guns, you have people you know being erratic, you know, in front of these young people.
Sam:You know, not only erratic erotic.
Lashawn:Yes.
Sam:Let's talk about that. Yes, know, I'm saying so, um, but if we but I ain't gonna take it all you know, project outward, I think those are the big differences. Proximity, yes, so not being, uh, you know, full-time with her and with my oldest I was not full-time, yeah, so there was a lot of guilt. I I will say this too shout out to uh fathers who are doing their thing from long distance. You know you always got your daughter in your heart. It's funny because I don't think that people think about how much space a child occupies in their mind. If you got 100% bandwidth and you have a child as a father and you care about your child and you know you love your child and your child's life or children's life, how much bandwidth you start off with on a day to day, because part of it is gone, I'm going to say like 25 percent of your bandwidth, you starting off at 75 now, because your attention is where. What's going on with them over there?
Sam:Right, they're not in your presence. You can't see him, you can't feel him, you can't touch him. So everything is heightened in your mind.
Lashawn:Yes.
Sam:You want to be there. So all the feelings that come up are 10 times more. They're increased more At least mine are and so it's like the bandwidth I'm not starting out a hundred with my day.
Sam:First thing I'm thinking about is okay, what's going on with her? Let me make sure I talk to her how she's doing, because I gotta make sure she feels it through our conversation, because she's not here for me to touch right, to hug, give her a kiss, feel her field right. Um, so that's a big difference is knowing how to handle the rise and fall of emotion and dealing with the guilt of that. Yeah. Right Dealing with the guilt of of being the um, not the, not being the primary parent Right.
Lashawn:I can definitely see that and you know, which is why it was so much of a joy to have her be with us this summer, you know, for the entire summer and be able to see you both get filled up yeah, you know to see how, even experience how we would be as a family of three, plus, you know, going into the rest of the year, because we were three when it was you, me or her this summer.
Lashawn:We got to see that dynamic and what that looked like, felt like uh, in all aspects. And now we're a family of three and I'm talking about if you guys hear anything just by the way, if you hear anything in the background that's our co-host that's our, our co-host, uh sakara no, don't tell her the name, it's okay lord it's our daughter, um in my arms.
Lashawn:She's been asleep and she's making all the noises right now yes but I was saying just having her be here with us, the three of us, her leaving and then a week later having our newest addition and going back right back into family of three and growing and evolving from that and just learning all of the new parent things with along with you yeah, and one other thing that another difference is.
Sam:So when with with my oldest, I try not to say the names, that's what I'm trying not to do.
Sam:I don't know why I'm not trying to name drop their, their names they're already on social media yeah, so with marina having to learn her and relearn her, and relearn her, and relearn her in a short amount of time, all the time really took a toll and I know a lot of dads who who get their you know their children either for the summer or, you know, every other weekend, however it is, and you're not the primary parent and you don't live in the same state because there's a difference. If you live in the same state, I'm sure y'all gonna work it out to where you get to see him at least once a week, right, you know depending on the state depending on the state, yeah, depending on where you at, locale, and all that right, right.
Sam:So when you get your, your child, when I got her, it was like okay, I'm, I'm filling out your interest, I'm seeing what you into, I'm, I'm learning you on the go, on the fly, trying to get it in and and play catch up, right. And then it's like as soon as I get you and I got you now, like I got all. You, ok, this, you, ok, bet you, ok, cool, this is the characters you like. Ok, cool, this is your mannerisms and this, ok, cool, this is how you react to this and this. And it's like, as soon as that's done, or like I'm confident now, like all right, I know you in this space, I'm confident now. Like all right, I know you in this space, you, I gotta, you gotta, go home, right, or you gotta go back to you know, mom. And then I'm comfortable and I'm confident in that. And then here we go.
Sam:Now it's the next time, right for the long for a long period right of time and you're different and I'm thinking I'm gonna get the same version that I got yeah now you're a little older, you don't laugh at the same stuff right you don't giggle at the same stuff. You know you're more vocal about things, still even tempered, but you're different yeah, I'm learning again on the fly right the the fat was, it was the fast track course. That's what it is a fast track course.
Sam:I got a summer to get all this down right I get it down and then here it comes again and you're different again, right, and so it creates a a little anxiety, like a little angst every time, because it's like yo, who am I getting? Right because you know you're gonna get the it and so I know like even when she gets sent back, they feel me in her right, just like, I feel them in her when she comes right, and you can only get so much in, you know a video call right, right, right, right, you know and so.
Sam:So that was another difference. Yeah, is now is learning to navigate all of that. Who knows? I mean it might be harder when you have your, your child, every day and you got to deal with it. You know every day.
Lashawn:Right, I mean, how have you been, you know know, in these just about four months?
Sam:yeah, see, the difference with that, though, is she's still young. She didn't get to that stage yet. You see what I'm saying you mean who sakara? Yes, sakara, okay, she's not there yet. Like she doesn't ever change. No, yeah, for sure, and I love it, and that's what I'm saying. I'm I'm more equipped to be a parent now I got you see what i'mhmm. My relationship isn't like rocky with you, mm-hmm. You know I'm in a way better headspace. I've dealt with a lot of my traumas. I've healed from a lot of my traumas. Mm-hmm.
Sam:So it's a whole new experience. Whereas, you know, with Marina, it was like yo, we in survival mode. Yeah, low key. You know, with Marina, it was like yo, we in survival mode yeah. Low key, you know.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:And so that's one of the big differences and, of course, like we said, the times. Mm-hmm.
Sam:The times the area Shoot, where we at Like, where we living. Yeah shoot where we at like, where we live in. Yeah, um, you know so. But I say all of that to say I don't want anyone to feel um, disheartened by what I'm saying. I'm. I'm laying it to y'all raw because this is my experience. If somebody asked me, would you change it? If you could like, would you change having marina differently? Hell yeah, I would, because she didn't deserve to go through what she went through.
Sam:I would definitely do it different yeah you know I'm saying I would definitely do it different. Um, I sometimes and this is me being honest and I may catch flack for this I sometimes feel guilty having marina and sakara. I'll tell you why. Hmm, because the state of the world, the state of the world not not for me feeling any kind of way that I can't handle them. It's not that, it's what did? What did me getting with their mothers get them into? What did I bring them into? Because this world is so unstable right now. Yeah, and all.
Sam:I can do is prepare them the best way that I can. I'm not going to be able to hold their hand the entire time and I have to just allow them to experience the time that they're going to be in. And it's scary because it's so unstable it's it's like, and where we're headed at right is is why I feel I carry a lot of guilt, because, no matter what you, I have to find a way to provide on the spectrum of emotions. Yeah.
Sam:But hopefully polarize that joy, no matter what. You know what I'm saying. So when we, when we think about like cause, we don't think about it in that way we think we keep it micro microcosm. We think about the house and the car and the school and you know, going on trips and sports, and we think about all these things in our microcosm and the car and the school and going on trips and sports, and we think about all these things in our microcosm, but we don't think about when they leave the nest, the way of the world, the times.
Sam:How receptive is the world gonna be to my child? How unreceptive have they already shown me that they're going to be? Is that going to change? Has it changed?
Sam:I can't even do a temp check yeah you know, and so it makes me feel guilty as a parent when sometimes not all the time, you know I'm a water sign, so I get deep, you know, and so that's the only that crosses my mind sometimes. It doesn't mean that I don't want either one of them. No, I need them. There is a part of me that holds guilt because them, yeah, but I. There is a part of me that holds guilt because I'm the reason that they were brought here right and it's like yo, what did I bring them into? Every time I see something on social media, I hear some some wacky shit on the news. I hear some wacky shit from a homie back at home, a family member talking about like you know how many times your mom telling us stories of people is like yes it's like yo, what am I?
Sam:I got to set them up. You know with what I can. And even then I got to pray and say yo y'all got to do it.
Sam:Y'all got to do it too Like we're going to do it, but then y'all got to do it too like we gonna do it, but then y'all gotta do it, yeah, and then not only do y'all gotta do it, when you bring somebody else, they gotta do it, and it just keeps going and I'm like yo, this is, this is nuts. But anyway, just to end the second part, that's the difference and that's a little bit of accountability on my part, open, and me being a little vulnerable and open with you all where my mind goes well, I can.
Lashawn:I can certainly say that you know. You said, you know they, they have to do what we've done and what we're doing now they're going to eventually have to do, and then their, their kids, are going to eventually have to do. But the the only thing that we all can do as parents is empower these little humans, you know, cause they're not ours. Right's first they. They belong to god. We facilitate their time here. We help them navigate these times here and the only thing we can do.
Lashawn:God created them to be before we even knew they existed. That's all we can do.
Sam:Leaving reminders.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:Leaving reminders of who they are. So they know where they're going and then they know how to get back to where they came from Exactly. Then they know how to get back to where they came from.
Lashawn:Exactly, and I mean praying over them every day is shoot. We're halfway there with that.
Sam:Oh, I'm grateful.
Lashawn:I'm so grateful.
Sam:I'm grateful. That's another difference, my bad, I'm grateful.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:I wasn't grateful then, ten years ago, I wasn't grateful for a lot. Yeah, not like I thought I was yeah you know, I'm, I'm, I'm way more grateful now than I was then. That's a fact got you, that's a fact.
Lashawn:That's good, that's yeah amazing to know, amazing to know, and I know you're grateful. You know you exude gratefulness every day.
Sam:I'm loving this.
Lashawn:Yeah, I am and you know, I think, just with all that you've shared, we've talked about, we've touched on, you know, I don't know if we want to get any deeper, go any deeper with, you know, working traditionally versus non-traditional.
Sam:Oh yeah, that's the third part, right.
Lashawn:Yeah, you touched on that, it's it's.
Lashawn:It's different is I?
Lashawn:I have way more people in my direct reach who are, um, working a traditional job, that have kids, that have the mindset of, you know, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, and that's the way it needs to go and that's the only way it can happen successfully, um, and if you go, then there's some side eye.
Lashawn:You know, uh, I think that you already having a taste of working both traditional and non-traditional, me and us both being in alignment, that working traditional work for our careers is not the route that we are choosing, and even the way we're working non-traditionally is not for the faint of heart of those who are entrepreneurs either. You know, we, we I can admit this and be very transparent in saying it I didn't set myself up in the way that I could have should have. You know, whatever you want to call it to, to work non-traditionally and and have a family, work non-traditionally and and have a family. And yet I believe we both are doing what we need to do and taking the steps that we need to take in order to have the life that we want to live and the, the lifestyle that we want to have our child be raised in.
Lashawn:You know, I I'm not going to try to front for anybody and say I'm living lavish and I have everything that you know I could ask for and everything that we need, and everything is in place. We're making some big transitions and big shifts right now and, you know, growing pains are real. Yeah, no, growing pains are real.
Sam:Yeah, no, I agree with that. I think. I think that if, if I was working traditionally, um, yes, will we be comfortable, more comfortable, absolutely. I also think that where we are, personally and emotionally, I don't think that it would be there. Yeah, I, I actually know for a fact I wouldn't be there. I don't know if I would be the same as I was. I know that I wouldn't be where I am now yeah and the reason means because the time you know, part of our job is to do those deep dives. Yeah.
Sam:And so working the tradition, a traditional job now in the state of the world, the way people treat one another.
Sam:I put it like this you wake up and this is no, no, this is no jab at nobody who works a nine to five, because I know that there's sometimes. There's some sometimes where I may need to go pick that up. I may have to go pick it back up, and I'm not tripping on that, but I think about this you wake up, you drive, and this is for the people who are working where maybe they don't want to be there from the time you get in the car to the time that you get to the place that you call work, there is millions upon millions of people who are doing the same thing, who are ticking time bombs behind the wheel.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:Nah, for real, like ticking time bombs and you get on the road with them every day, not only to go to work but to get off work, to go pick up your kids, to go get food, to go escape. Right.
Sam:From the monotony of the life that you're living, and that's just the commute. We ain't talking about the ticking time bombs that are at work with you. You know what I'm saying. Like they don't do no psych evals on people like that man who you know, and so you have to, literally, like, deal with people you otherwise wouldn't deal with for the sake of money. And that's what I'm saying. Like when you, when I became an entrepreneur even though I haven't made millions, it wasn't about that for me, it was about the, the freedom to choose. I didn't always choose right, right, but at least I got to choose.
Sam:Though right and that's the. That's the difference, because when you're a parent, because you gotta think that traditional job that I worked, I was in the military there was no choosing. They chose everything for me so that that weighed a lot in the household yeah I'm saying absolutely and so now it's like when you don't have that choice as a man, you got people telling you what to do for real and not saying that you can't be a part of a team, and you know we're saying when you're being exploited yeah that's what I'm talking about.
Sam:When you're being exploited in the workplace and then your family expects you to be the rock, when you know that you're being exploited on multiple levels, it gets a little challenging, you know. Right. At least it did for me. So I think having that freedom although the income is not as stable.
Lashawn:Yet.
Sam:Yet the emotional rollercoaster. I'm off of that. Yeah. Like my, mental health is number one, you know. Mm-hmm. And my mental and emotional and spiritual health, because those things have to be in harmony in order for your physical health to be okay and tip-top shape Right. Be in harmony in order for your physical health to be okay, in tip-top shape right. So being a parent and seeing them work nine to fives um, you know we talk with a lot of our friends that shit is stressful.
Lashawn:It is stressful and and we're supposed to come back and be able to pour into our children after we've been exploited I'll just I'll use that term you know, after we've been injected with all of these ticking time bombs, emotions, their energies, like we've been around it all day, and then we're supposed to come back and pour into our children when all we want to do is rid ourselves of the energy from these ticking time bombs that we've been around. And that's the thing that got me, is that you know around, and that's the thing that got me is that you know being in in the nine to five space in varying degrees, um, small businesses, big businesses, corporate businesses, like being in that and and feeling what I have felt um, in some, in some ways, feeling very depleted not having a kid at that time, but being very depleted, and even feeling like man. I don't even want to do anything when I get back home, you know that's what I'm saying there are jobs, traditional jobs that I'm 100 certain that people love I'm all.
Lashawn:I'm really only speaking to the uh, like you said, the, the ones who are in places that are not favorable to them yeah people who love their nine-to-fives.
Lashawn:Thank you so much, because I know that a lot of those positions are necessary in order for you know this, this, this place, to run efficiently. But for the people who are in a space of going to a place that they don't like to, to make not enough for their needs and still have to do it and still, at the end of the day, are depleted and they have families to come back home, to just know that there is another way, like there is another way and whatever that looks like to you might be different from what it's not the way, it is a way and just know that there are other ways to be able to take care of yourself, to take care of your homes and to take care of your children, because that's what we're talking about is parenting through all of this right and, and so that's what I'm saying.
Sam:Whatever's been fed, whatever was fed to me about what life, how life should be and what it should look like, like I'm off that yeah um, and so I know the ones who, the listeners out there, who aren't off of that this ain't really going to resonate with you, right, and it's not for you. You know, and I do appreciate you coming to the pod and listening, and if you find out that this talk ain't for you, it's all good, because we're going to remain authentic because, it is some people out there who this is for Right, and so I look at that and I say yo, there is a better way of living.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:There is a better way of living. I'm not against working a nine to five Right. I'm not against working a nine to five. Right, if that's what has to be done in order to get to where you need to be and where you want to be for yourself and for your own business. If that's what you are called to do, because some people ain't meant to run their own stuff.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:That's just a fact. Just like everybody ain't meant to be the captain of a team, everybody ain't meant to be the captain on the plane. They meant to be the captain of the team.
Sam:Everybody ain't meant to be the captain on the plane they meant to be the passenger that's riding with it, right, or they ain't meant to drive the boat. You know they meant to fix the boat, and that's cool when you know your role. You know your role and you do it well. What I am saying, though, is that if you're willing to contribute to a company a company, a company's mission and that mission is in direct conflict with your moral compass, or what they stand for does not include you and your cultural experiences Then you have some. You have some things that you have to iron out within you. When you have a family. It's going to be some tough decisions to make, because, on one end, you do need money in order to navigate this world, and so there are other, creative, alternative ways to make money. That can be a little chippy Fuck it a lot chippy out here but it can't be done with the right intention and consistency.
Lashawn:Right that key word consistency.
Sam:And so you know, man, I can't say one is better than the other, because that's not what I'm here to do.
Lashawn:That's not what. Yeah, that's not what it's about.
Sam:You know I'm saying I know like some people was probably waiting for that, like, so which one's better than you know? Like what you saying, and it's like no, I'm not saying either one is better. I'm saying what works for you either one is better.
Lashawn:I'm saying what works for you right does does working from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed sporadically work if it works for you, man, that I love it for you.
Sam:See, I can. I can love it for you and not love it for me.
Lashawn:I know me right, I know me because maybe your creativity is not sparked between the hours of 8 am. We say 9 to 5, but let's be honest, 8 am to 5, 5, 5 o'clock5, 30 pm. You know, maybe your creativity is sparked at 5 am and it and it taps out around 11 30. That's what six and a half hours of quality work that's done. But who's gonna let you get off work at 11 30 and say great job in the traditional business world?
Sam:you ain't going to catch me make a company four hundred thousand in a year my first year and get less than one percent commission off of that. You won't ever catch me doing that again, ever, Right.
Lashawn:Yeah, we we not bashing non-traditional work, not bashing traditional work, not advocating for for traditional work, not advocating for non-traditional work. We are advocating for what works for you, so that you can be your best self, to yourself and to those that you love, to your family, to your kids, because those are the people who are going to be impacted first.
Sam:Um so what? Advice you got then. So like because I know this can be like a talk show type of deal it's laid back, it's cool, we on the couch got mic'd up, but but someone will say okay. So the third segment is traditional versus what? Traditional versus non-traditional, non-traditional income and parenting and parenting. Do you have any advice for moms who are doing it, who are parenting and working in the non-traditional way?
Lashawn:advice for moms who are it's a lot, though, to unpack parenting and working, because you got to be like traditional and traditional or non-traditional no, because, well, that's not your experience right now right so you would be basing your traditional experience, but you wasn't a parent, right?
Sam:that's not your experience right now, right, so you would be basing your traditional experience, but you wasn't a parent, right? That's what I'm saying, gotcha, but it gets.
Lashawn:It gets tricky, though, cause it's like I think work just in general, splitting your, splitting your time and your and your brain bandwidth between working and parenting. I will, we'll say that you know, really in in my now experience, I have to say that my best piece of advice would be to be sure that that you fill your cup first, really take care of you, and I know everybody's like oh, you know, make sure baby comes first. That baby's gonna change your life and you can, you won't be able to do anything because you know you have a child and your child creates your schedule. Now, well, I mean, if that, if that is so, then there are way more depleted moms out there than I know of.
Sam:How do you fill your cup?
Lashawn:I fill my cup. Honestly, it's very simple. It's very simple and there's another element that I need to add to it with more consistency now, which is the physical movement aspect. So, but I will say, the way that I fill my cup is my waking time routine of getting myself ready for the day doesn't get skipped, because when I skip it, I can physically see, feel, being in angst.
Lashawn:Um, things are kind of they kind of go awry. But when I wake up and I go through the, the routine that I have of you know well, first pumping, because that's part of my waking hours. I have to pump to start the day because throughout the day she gets breastfed. But I pump, I make sure that I pray and I make sure that I actually get up, put on clothes whether it's joggers, sweats, jeans, dress, whatever I put on clothes, I brush my teeth, I wash my face, I do something to my hair or I put my hair in a nice little head wrap, whatever I look put together for the day and I'm not in my pajamas all day. If I can do that, then that is me pouring into myself, that is me making sure that I still feel like lashawn, and then I can attend to our daughter.
Sam:I cannot add on to that. Sure, I know a way that you fill your cup what's that? You create lists. Yes. And when you create your list and you check off your list, that fills your cup Doesn't matter what the list entails, it's the fact that when you create your list and you check your things off. You are right, that fills your cup.
Lashawn:You are right. You are absolutely right, because when I don't, things go awry you are right.
Sam:You are absolutely right, because when I don't things go awry, when you don't have a list, and even if you are completing things, it doesn't feel like you're completing them because you haven't listed your right, your day I physically have to do that something that you do to fill your cup as a parent, so that way, when you know you have downtime you actually have downtime.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:Not missing something Right or skipping over something Right For yourself.
Lashawn:Right.
Sam:So I know parents out there making a list can really help you and set you up for a successful day. Not saying that it may still be stressful, you know, but everything ain't supposed to be smooth yeah but at the same time, you will at least know what needs to be done. It allows you to keep yourself in check and not get caught up in a whirlwind of emotions that the day brings that you know what.
Lashawn:Thank you love. That is. That's very true. And I will say this um, for me, it does matter what I put on my list, because if I put everything on my list, then that brings about overwhelm. So I, the things that I put on my list, are the things that matter. Now, does that seem vague? Does it sound vague? Probably, but if I put the things that matter on my list, then the things that don't matter, they'll still get done. It's just I've prioritized what matters so that I can complete them.
Lashawn:I'm very much about completing because I have in the past been somebody who has started something and not finished, fill in the blank, with whatever that is. That could be working on content and not completing. That could be starting a load of laundry and not and waiting until the end of the day to put them in the dryer. It could be starting to look up a recipe and then waiting, you know, and then forgetting, getting distracted and not even finishing. That. You know, if I, if figuring out, if I have the ingredients for said food item, it's whatever matters for that day.
Lashawn:I actually try to put something together at the beginning of the week so I can have a at least some kind of filter that I can see. What does my Monday through or Sunday Monday through Saturday look like? Sunday is really like a chill slash reset day, but I look at what needs to be done this week. This week baby girl has a four month checkup. Let me make sure that I put that in there, because if I don't, I will put something in place of it and I'll forget.
Sam:I got you but each day.
Lashawn:I do look at all right what needs to be done in this day. That is that matters, that is important, that has to be done, and I can talk about that in another another segment.
Sam:I'm just saying cause, you know, I noticed like we don't want to just be in a situation where we kind of just talk, talk, talk talk, talk and we're not giving anything practical, applicable that y'all can use. And then I think another thing that fills your cup is being active. That fills your cup is being active. So when you're very, when you're stagnant for too long, you're on a three-day street without movement your mood gets affected. Yeah, you know. Yeah, the tone of your talk gets affected.
Sam:Um, your drive gets affected get a little more chaotic, so moving keeps you centered.
Lashawn:Yes you're right, it does, it does. Which is something that I need to bring back into the fold. Like you know, walking has been.
Sam:This is what I'm saying'm saying listen, listen to me, baby, listen to me. All I'm saying is that that is something that fills your cup. Yes, so what type of movement would you say new, new parents should kind of dive into, and what's worked for you?
Lashawn:I mean honestly walking, even if it's just a walk hey, listen that walking.
Sam:Is it 30 minutes? Walk 20 minutes?
Lashawn:yeah you know an hour walk. You know, let me put on a podcast or an audio book, say baby girl, put her in this stroller um and go. You know that at bare minimum 10 minutes. Even if it's 10 minutes going out walking around, you know, in the community, just for a second is the least I can do for myself. But what I would love to reincorporate and reintroduce back into my physical movement agenda would be some, some strength training.
Sam:OK, and.
Lashawn:I, and that I haven't done that since before I got pregnant. So you know neither here nor there. But yes, physical movement, at the least walking. But ideally I would like to incorporate some strength training again and walking.
Sam:Gotcha. And I think one other thing, if y'all can't tell, I know I know my wife, I've observed her for a while in the best ways to to know you. You know what I'm saying. It is having that fellowship with your core sisters. Oh man, no matter, no, like working that in, yes, working it in to at least have a conversation with with your core, with your core girls. You gotta get that in like you need. That.
Sam:You know, I'm saying and I think, and I also think like us as men, we need that too, but we ain't come over this way yet. It's about. It's about you and what you got. So, yeah, I think I've watched how that lights your day up and you need that feminine energy yes that divine feminine being able to have those conversations, you know right then.
Lashawn:So you're absolutely right. You are absolutely right. Yeah, um, yeah, thank you. Thank you, love.
Sam:I appreciate you so yo, if you, you know, if you made it this far. I think we're about an hour and some change in probably won't take it past two hours, hours, some ways to fill your cup, um, as a new mom was, what's the? What was the first one? Do you remember?
Lashawn:um, the first one I said was, uh, having my routine like sticking to my waking up routine, okay so your routine itemized task list to keep you organized and on track throughout your day?
Sam:yes, and this is for non-traditional work. Um, then you have movement physical movement movement, and then you have fellowship. Fellowship and these things keep you centered throughout your day, right, right and then, and then, I'm sure you know, the time with your child, of course, is always going to be a thing oh yes, oh yes.
Lashawn:I think I'm a special, I'm in, I'm a different case, because connection with my own blood was impaired, was like super, super essential for me, like needed that, desired that highly. If I never got it would I still be, you know, whole and complete, absolutely, um, but this uh experience for me is highly meaningful, highly meaningful. So, yeah, um, we have a wonderful connection already it's fire see.
Sam:It really is amazing to see. Yeah. Like it's yeah, it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's beyond beautiful, but we just leave it at that.
Lashawn:So I guess for me some ways to what be centered yeah as a parent filling your cup as a dad filling my cup of that's what it was. I know you said non-traditional work, but this is just for somebody who is working. I just think, period man working if you have to balance if you have to have the work life balance.
Sam:Yeah, I, I'm going to say movement, but movement coupled with, and movement can be training. You know, if you're training like cardio, be sports, can be weight training, whatever but stretching. Like cardio, be sports, be weight training, whatever, but stretching God as a man, you got to stretch yo.
Lashawn:Yes.
Sam:I realize the difference that stretching made until I went like three years without stretching and then, like now, I don't even do a lot right but I do stretch, yeah, and let me tell you something.
Lashawn:My mood be so different you're so calm, so much more calm yo, it's a world of difference.
Sam:When you stretch, you get them stretches in. Yo, I mean you go play a ball all you want, you know I'm saying you hit the the bench up curls all that if that's your thing, do it. You feel me, but I'm telling you, you stretch my boy. Hear me out. That's. That is that thing right there. Yeah, that's stretching, got to stretch. So the movement is stretching for sure.
Sam:That's going to fill your cup up, that's going to keep you cool, that's going to have you out here walking tall, walking confident. You feel me, and a lot of that will help you navigate and get through your day too, if your day's been a little tough, you know, or tougher than normal your day too.
Sam:If your day's been a little tough, you know, or tougher than normal, yeah, feel me. Um, that posture is right, so stretching and movement. Um, yo get you a list, create you a list of people family members, friends you can add to that, you can take away from that list. This list is not definitive. It is your list and you don't have to share it with anybody. And before you get out the bed and before you retire at night, you pray for them, people on that list, and you express how grateful you are for them to be a part of your life. And guess what? You don't even got to be on the best of terms with the people right you don't even got to be on the best of terms with them.
Sam:Just be grateful for the experiences that you did have and wish them well and if it is a better situation that you be out of their life versus in, be grateful for that that. You know that. But this will fill your cup. It will center you emotionally as a man. It will unlock some areas and unblock your heart and unharden your heart. It will charge you in ways that those who do it already know what I'm talking about and those who don't do it you won't know until you start to do it. Right, that is a way that you fill your cup. A third thing is to read but apply. Don't just read and sit on information. You got to apply it to your life. You, you got to apply it to your life. You've got to apply it to your life. Listen to me, you got to apply it to your life and yo like apply and fail.
Lashawn:Be, open to fail If you got to apply it and fail. Yeah.
Sam:Right, but don't sit on it. Don't sit on it and watch people pass you by and the days pass you by. Really hone in on whatever you're reading. Read with a purpose. Don't just read just to read, because that's a too.
Lashawn:And even if your purpose is. I want to read to get a laugh. Yeah, I want to read to gain knowledge.
Sam:Right, read, man. And lastly, you got to do some breath work. You got to find a minute, five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever you do, Find a time to breathe. Get that breath work in, man. You need that, you need it. You need to be able to get to a place where you can block all the outside bullshit. Whether you created the bullshit or somebody else created it, it don't matter. You got to be able to get to a place when you can breathe. Breath Is number one. You cannot go. You can go 40 days without food. You can go 7 days without water, can go seven days without water. You can barely make it a minute, five, ten minutes without breath, unless you train for that that's a fact so breathing is just as essential as living.
Sam:You can't do one without the other.
Lashawn:Yeah, so listen now, I know one thing that breathe fills your cup. That what's up as your wife watching you tell me time tell me time. Yes, tell me time um and this, I know this helps you. It could help someone else. It could help um a man who is open to it, because men don't be open to some things.
Lashawn:But one thing that I know works for you is writing yo gotta write I know that it works you know what you write, because when I don't, journal man just getting it out of your system and maybe you don't write but maybe you talk to like actually talk to one of your homeboys or homegirl. If you got a homegirl who's a best friend talking to somebody, don't bottle that ish in.
Sam:It's not good for you.
Lashawn:And so whatever way that comes out, I know for you is writing, but for someone else it might be writing, but it also might be just talking to someone else and getting out those thoughts that that really consume our, consume their heads.
Sam:Yeah, thank you for that one, yeah. You got to write. Get your little journal. You know I'm saying write you some goals, write you five year, three year, one year, six month goals three year, one year, six month goals write out you know how you feel if you fall short, how you feel when you attain it, what you plan on doing, just whatever.
Sam:But get it out, man, because social media ain't always the best place. I know everybody looking to connect with others and y'all be building trauma bonds on threads. It's crazy. I'll be like yo, y'all wild, crazy echo chambers and threads and shit. Oh my goodness, hey, listen, get you a journal and get it out yeah you know, please, because the temperament of the world has drastically changed and we need to start doing some work on an individual level to change the temperament collectively. Right. Got to.
Lashawn:Man.
Sam:Yeah.
Lashawn:And you know I really enjoyed today. I did yeah this was cool, you know, for something to be this how it should be off. I like it. I enjoyed this, um, so I guess we can end this episode with the last question what are we forcing versus what are we allowing to flow as new parents?
Sam:I'll tell you what ain't forced this podcast episode that's the fact what are we forcing and what are we letting flow as new parents? Right, that what you said.
Lashawn:What are we forcing and then what are we allowing to flow? Because there's been some things right that I know. For me, I've just been trying to force, trying to force, trying to force. Like what oh man Just still keeping a perfect home?
Sam:OK.
Lashawn:I feel that trying to have everything be as it was when I was still pregnant, before I got pregnant, you know, just still trying to have it be a certain way that I, I, I guess, I, I don't know, I don't know created in my mind it was supposed to be. That's something I know I was forcing. Forcing my thoughts on what my life would be like in a family now with a child.
Sam:forcing my perceptions of newborns, infants, babies, on my own experience with my child.
Lashawn:Okay, I agree with all of those those are the things I was forcing I agree with all of those.
Sam:Um, let's see control, control that is trying to force control in places where control is not needed. There's a lot of days where we wake up. We have a nice routine going with Sakara and it just ain't it. She ain't on that and ain't what she. That's not where she at. That's not where she at. She ain't napping for two hours, she napping for cat naps 20 minutes and she up, and you know, and and we're trying to do what we can to control her to get back in line with what is comfortable. Mm, hmm.
Sam:And then realizing that now, that's not what's needed right now. What's needed is is flexibility. Yeah.
Sam:So control, so control, trying to control the outcome of other people based on the decisions that we make. You know, tailoring words to so that way whatever comes after whatever we're saying is lighter. Or you know, I'm saying ain't as explosive just trying to control every little aspect. It's like that shit's dead. Yeah, yeah, that shit's over with um where the flow, I would say, is in letting go of what we thought life was was going to be and being open yeah. Being open to where we're headed. I think there's flow in that.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:I think we've been flowing in that for a little bit of time and I think we're going to continue to flow in that. Yeah.
Lashawn:Yeah, I agree, I think what I'm now allowing to flow are those things that I said, you know, when I thought, oh, I have to have the perfect home. It was only when I stopped thinking about having a perfect home that I looked around. It's like, oh, no, like we have a nice little flow going on and and the house looks pretty good again, outside of all of the you know shifting that is happening, which, again, we'll share that when the time comes for us to share it, but with, even with all of the shifts that are currently happening, we still have a kept home. Uh, I think I'm allowing to flow.
Lashawn:Sakara, you know, um, thinking that, oh, she has to have this many naps, she has to eat this many times she has to. It's like, no, right now she's cluster feeding, she feeds on demand. When she's hungry, it is time to feed her and she will let you know when you're taking too long. Um, she also will let you know when she's tired and we get to give in to that, we get to allow that to happen. And, yes, her naps are very different, but the way that she sleeps, she has shorter naps throughout the day and then, by the time, you know, the evening, early evening and night gets here. That last nap before she goes to sleep for the night is what she's doing right now. It's longer. Um, she does.
Lashawn:She likes contact naps she needs at least one if she doesn't have, you know, she doesn't have that one, at least one contact nap. She's going to be fussy because she needs that closeness, whether it's you or me. And I'm allowing that to happen. And, and the more that I allow that to happen, our day is really still run. Even though she's dictating I'm sleepy, I'm hungry, we are still controlling our day. We still have a lot of flexibility in our day to do what you, we, we, have to do no, I I agree.
Sam:I agree with that and that works for us yeah, and like and like we said, the untraditional way of parenting will. We will be unpacking that, because I know a lot of parents are like, okay, well, the typical thing that I was taught is you know, child's born, spend a little bit of time, and then we prep her for daycare and it's like that ain't what we doing over here.
Lashawn:Yeah.
Sam:Yeah, we not doing that. You know what I'm saying yeah, we're not doing that. You know what I'm saying? Oh, and then, after a certain amount of time, it's oh, it's school time, it's we ain't doing that either. So you know, stick with us on this season. Follow us, because what we share might intrigue you to do your own research and open up to do the same. All right, or do?
Lashawn:life that works a little bit better.
Sam:Yeah, life that's a little unorthodox to most, but it's perfect for you. You know, um, I think. One other thing that's flowing, flowing, dang. I had it and I lost it. Yeah, I lost it. We were saying such good things, I was trying to hold it in my head and then it's gone, it's gone.
Lashawn:Maybe it'll come up again and we'll bring it in the next episode it might. We'll start the next episode with that. It might, it might not, maybe it just wasn'll start the next episode with that.
Sam:It might, it might, it might not. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be at this point, so yo check us out. Can I Talk my Shift on all streaming platforms where you can find podcasts? Lashawn G. Sam Walker, co-host, sakara, larie walker. Um, if a a real quick wifey has been breastfeeding this entire time, oh yes, she has been breastfeeding this entire episode, by the way yes um, sakara has been like waking up, feeding, going to sleep, waking up, like it's incredible to see nap time.
Lashawn:It's so dope.
Sam:It's so dope to see thank you love.
Lashawn:Yeah, it's fire.
Sam:Uh, make sure that you check us out on youtube, check us out on fan base, where else we at check us out on instagram instagram. Oh, if you listening on apple podcast, leave a review so that way others can find the fire content that we share, the fire episodes that you listening to, and you don't have to do all the work yourself by trying to share it. Right, you just like it. Dial in review. It start five star rating. Other people going to find it too.
Lashawn:Tag us. Tag us on on Instagram you the people gonna find it too. Tag us, tag us on on instagram, you know. Follow us over at. Can I talk my shift? And you can follow me individually. The lg underscore t-h-e-e-l-l-e-g-e-e underscore. You can follow samuel at sam walker inspo and and yeah, I mean we appreciate you, we love you and we're grateful that you are riding with us and rocking with us.
Sam:For sure, till next time, y'all keep it positive, keep it pushing in the best ways possible, keep your emotions in check, stay centered, stay balanced, stay whole, stay pure.
