Can I Talk My Shift?
The Can I Talk My Shift podcast is the number one place for intrapersonal accountability, emotional wellness, sobriety, and a whole lot of other SHIFTS. It is hosted by Sam Walker INSPO, a self-published authorprenuer, and Lashawn Gee, a Hall of Fame track athlete turned Discipline and Mindset coach. The two experienced losses at crucial points in their lives, Sam with the tragic death of his mom when he was 15, and Lashawn with her father passing away at 19 years old. With no proper grief etiquette to pull from, they now realize how much parental loss, and much more, played a major role in their "emotional mismanagement.”
Their talk-show coaching style aims to demystify, educate, reintroduce, and face the harsh truths surrounding emotional intelligence, sobriety, wellness, and much more by explaining how to integrate shifts into everyday life.
Healing and reading are necessary for every individual, no matter their status, successes, or industry/business they're involved in. The couple's goal is to aid in the healing of our community and get one million people back to the basics of reading one book per month. The SHIFT has begun… start listening now.
Can I Talk My Shift?
Navigating Wins in Life After Loss
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What if the loss of a loved one could teach you profound lessons about emotional intelligence and legacy? Join us, Sam and Lashawn, as we share personal stories of navigating life through significant losses—both expected and sudden. From losing family members to experiencing seismic shifts in identity and career, we explore how these trials have molded our emotional resilience and self-awareness. By opening up about these experiences, we aim to connect with listeners who have faced similar challenges, creating a supportive community centered on growth and healing.
We delve into the importance of preparing for life's unexpected twists, particularly when it comes to family unity and preserving cultural legacies. Reflecting on the contrasting outcomes of a well-prepared father's passing against the chaos of a twin brother's sudden death, we stress the critical need for open conversations about death and estate planning. By placing these discussions on par with essential life talks, we hope to inspire a cultural shift towards prioritizing emotional intelligence and legacy preservation, preventing family rifts and asset loss.
In our heartfelt reflections, we explore the complex emotions tied to grief and the urgent need for emotional release. From navigating the tumult of new motherhood to processing job loss, we underscore the value of allowing ourselves to feel and express emotions. By focusing on self-care and community support, we encourage listeners to honor both the sorrow and joy of past memories. With the book "Unity is the Shift" as a recommended resource, we invite you to join us on a journey of acceptance and transformation, embracing the healing power of unity and connection.
Lessons in Loss
Speaker 1Whoever thought we would have made it this far in life , and pardon pardon me , pardon me , pardon you , we pardon . Yo , you are tuned in to the right place the Can I Talk my Shift podcast the number one place for self-accountability , self-awareness and leadership in life after loss place . But self-accountability , self-awareness and leadership in life after loss with the lovely queen lashawn larigi walker and your boy sam walker . I n s p ? O on ig , the website .
Speaker 1Everywhere that you find me , you'll see that and our little co-host yeah , the co-host breathing right , doing her thing , getting her warmed up and acclimated to the microphone , because I know , lord , she is gonna be something to handle later on in life man , yes , but it's gonna be great .
Speaker 2yeah , right now , let's's keep her , this tiny little potato , let's keep her .
Speaker 1For sure .
Speaker 2Season three episode three Lessons in loss .
Speaker 1That's what , oh , that's what we talking about Lessons in loss , kind of loss that you experience from a death , uh , of a person you know , pivotal person in your life , a job , a career , a thing , a pet , you name it , an idea , an identity , right , a creation , your keys . Your wallet , your wallet , you know .
Speaker 2And loss of self .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2This is something that literally everybody experiences Loss .
Speaker 1So we're not even warming them up , we're just going right into it .
Speaker 2No , we're warming them up , but we're just letting them know . You know , if you didn't think this was for you , just keep listening , because something is bound to captivate you . Thank you for joining us today . Please remember to subscribe to the podcast before we get into it . Go ahead . If you're not subscribed and you're just checking us out , go ahead and hit the follow button . It is free free 99 . If you love what you hear , give us a five star rating on the podcast platform that you are listening on and review it and share it , because that is the one and only way that we will know that you love us and you love what we rocking with and what we're talking about , and you get to share that with your people and your people get to share it with their people .
Speaker 1And we get to keep creating , and this is the prime opportune way for other people to find the podcast . So you don't have to do all the legwork by trying to share it . If you like it , if you rate it and you download it , then more people will find it and do the same . So it's a . It's a win win for everyone involved . It's an ecosystem . Yes , you know what I'm saying , so we greatly appreciate that . Follow us on Instagram . Can I talk my shit ? The LG underscore Sandwalker Inspo that that is the podcast nucleus right there in the ecosystem as a whole . And yeah , you know , let's get it cracking for sure we're trying to build this community up .
Speaker 2So thank you so much in advance . Uh , let's go ahead and get into it . You know lessons and laws and I know that you haven't outwardly , you know , talked a whole lot about how much knowledge you actually have and genius you actually have in guiding people in life after loss , but you've really impacted quite a few people along that journey , um in their life , um by sharing your story , but also just being at a level of emotional awareness and acquiring a level of emotional awareness that allows you to assist people along that grieving journey . So , you know , talk about that because you know we both have experienced loss of a parent , we both have experienced loss of a job , we both have experienced loss of self . And so how do you , how does it apply to you and how has it shifted you ? And I have some questions that are going to be following up . But give the people a little bit of your expertise .
Speaker 1As far as life after loss goes , man , I don't really know if there is expertise . Honestly I think it's . There's a will to want to live a life , and then there is the drive to actually do it every day , and I think anything outside of those things is just there to enable you to do those two things that I just said . Yeah .
Speaker 1I think my , my expertise was unwarranted , right , it's not like I don't think I had no plans of having this type of expertise or wisdom and knowledge , and I definitely didn't yeah it comes from a very traumatic childhood , very traumatic background , dealing with death as early as third grade , one of my favorite teacher in elementary school passing away and you know how that rocked the whole class and I think fourth or fifth grade , my brothers , my older brother , my older brother's best friend , who was like a brother to me , uh , drowned in the lake in our , in our old neighborhood and that was all over . The news that rocked us . Um my mother passing away at 15 . Um , you know , transitioning right in front of my face when you were 15 . When I was 15 . Yeah .
Speaker 1When I was 15 years old , massive heart attack and stroke revived her , with the help of my neighbor and my friend at the time , and then she passed on the way to the hospital . Very traumatic experience , um , and then you know , so on and so forth . After that , grandmother passing shortly after , cousin passing away , best , a really good friend of mine from elementary school I don't know if I would call him my best friend because we known each other since elementary school um , you know , got killed on the oceanfront while I was out in los angeles dream chasing . So I've had a lot of deaths that impacted me that I was never really able to discuss with anyone . Or if I did discuss it with them , I was not ready to receive what they were giving me at the time . So it sent me on a wild goose chase for answers in my own right and I think it all accumulated , came to a head a couple years ago when I just couldn't take it anymore and I didn't know what I was really running from .
Speaker 1And now I sit here on this microphone , on this podcast , talking about it yeah you know , talking about those things and looking for a fulfilling life after experiencing those types of losses Right and being lost you know , being lost .
Speaker 1I feel like I feel , and I think that there is a lot of us out here who have buried these types of tragic losses . Tragic losses and we are trying to navigate the autonomy of the life that we created , while keeping that , that weight buried instead of exploring it and allowing it to open us to new beginnings and a new life . I also believe that for me , and maybe somebody else out there who's listening could feel the same way . Uh , hang on one moment , I need to fix my mic I think that you know I said expertise right .
Speaker 2But I think that you know I said expertise right , but I think that it's more probably more appropriate to say experience . You know , to this episode has experienced loss in some way , shape or form , and we're going to go into a little bit of each of the categories that we share earlier . You know , losing a parent I've lost a sibling Losing a job in whatever way that looks like , whether you were laid off , whether you were fired , whether you quit , you know loss , loss of self . You know in in both , losing a close family member or even a best friend , a very close friend , um , who is meaningful to you , or losing a job in whatever way you lose it . I feel like , um , we lose a little bit of ourselves also , or there is space for that to happen there . There's a space that is created where we are losing a little bit of ourselves if we are not able to manage , cope , navigate in a healthy way .
Speaker 1Absolutely .
Speaker 2And I think that is where I mentioned expertise , but really I should have said experience , because it's the experience of navigating in the loss , after the loss , in some situations where we know loss is impending right , if someone is ill , um , if there's something that you just know , you know you got an email that that company , xyz , is downsizing , so it's , you know , inevitable that loss is about to happen . So being able to navigate that I I feel like is your expertise .
Speaker 1I got you .
Speaker 2But you definitely have experience . That is , I feel , most helpful to others because of the poise that you have when you are in it you .
Speaker 1No , no , I appreciate it , baby . Uh , for real , I can , I can agree with you on on that level . I level out with you there , like I said , it's unwarranted . So you know , when I hear you say like , oh , your expertise , it's like damn , like I mean she ain't lying , but it's still weird , you know , like navigating , the whole possibility of coaching and all of those things was never really a reality for me . So I , when you give me compliments , I'm still learning to just receive it and not reject it in a in the in the kindest way you know I'm saying , but now I appreciate it .
Speaker 1Experience on actually taking my , my experiences and being able to utilize them in a way that's beneficial to the community and being of service to others . I am in the process of working on my end-of-life dealership certification . I know that there is a calling for more men in that space . Uh , not only learning to bring new life into the world via birthing doulas and as men and dads who are helping birth their children , but also those that are exiting this plane , in this realm of existence , and helping the family members that are left behind navigate that loss , as well as preparing people ahead of time with resources because , you can never be too .
Speaker 1You can't be prepared for a loss of somebody who has been instrumental into your , instrumental in your life . It doesn't matter what if you have all of your documents in order , yeah , that'll ease the process . If you have bank account information , wills , trust , all that stuff set up . It is imperative that you do , but it will . It will only lighten the load , but there will still be a load and a weight yes that comes with that loss , right .
Speaker 1so I'm embarking on that journey and and this podcast will help me , uh , and this podcast will help me market the service right Once I become certified . And I'm just embracing that , I'm embracing that calling wholeheartedly . Right .
Speaker 1So , but back to what you were saying . Right so , but back to what you were saying . Yeah , the thing about it that I've learned too in my own experience , and we had , ahmm , like the , not the racism , but just the negative experiences with classmates certain classmates , yes , and saying how you know my household growing up , they never prepared me for gaining understanding on my emotions . They never prepared me for navigating the wave of emotions that I would feel . And this ain't no slight to them , I'm just saying what it is . And so what I was saying to you , remember , I was like yo .
Speaker 1If people , if we start teaching our kids at an early age that , hey , the reality of life is that you are going to experience some things that are not in your best interest and I need to make sure that you are equipped to be able to handle it in the best ways possible .
Speaker 1And that means getting very detailed with with the emotion and giving them the vocabulary necessary for them to articulate what they're feeling .
Preparing for Emotional Intelligence and Legacy
Speaker 1Because a lot of the times , what I see and what I experienced in my own life is that I'm on the baseline emotions I'm sad , angry , I'm happy , these things and I can't fine tune it to really understand it and comprehend it and push through or clear it out , and so One of the things that I'm learning now is like , as adults , we having to like go back to school to literally become emotionally intelligent , to then be able to navigate how we are being , how we're showing up at work or in our relationships , our romantic ones , our friendships , and helping to unravel the trauma within family , to then be able to move forward because , we got people who are breaking off and saying , fuck family , I'm out here right like I'm gonna find me a new family , and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that .
Speaker 1If you've had trauma , like traumatic experiences that you know you just can't come back from , I no way , shape way form , condone you to go back to a person that was abusive in any way , but if it is something that you can push through or move forward from , I highly encourage it , because we need unity right like we don't need any more division right so my experience is that if I feel like if I knew , if I was equipped with just that little caveat of hey , everything's not gonna go your way in life , and I and I'm , and I'm prepped for it in a way where it's like these are the things that you are likely to experience in these circumstances , I think life would have been a lot different .
Speaker 2Right , or even just having things in place Right . You know , there was right , there's a lot of trust .
Speaker 1We had none of that .
Speaker 2There's a lot of people , families in our community . I mean , maybe maybe we're seeing it more now where people are setting themselves up making sure that things are in place in such the case that something happens . But I know , you know , there are a lot more who don't have that , those things in place . And I've seen , I've experienced both sides . You know I experience with with my when my dad passed away in 2001, . He basically had everything in place . He had it . You know there wasn't a whole whole lot that my mom had to do . My older brother had to assist her with outside of you know , notifying companies of his passing . Uh , you know , but as far as getting you know you're getting your affairs in order right . Making sure that , you know , is everything cool with the house and the mortgages , everything cool with the cars and insurances and things like that . I don't think at that time if I was 19, . When he passed away he was 55 .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2He was 55 , which you know , I'm thinking about it now and it's like dang , that's young , you know Um , and he had . He passed away from Luke . Well , he had leukemia . He went into remission but he ended up getting sepsis . So he got an infection which basically made him too ill and after chemo radiation , you know , your body is just too weak to fight off something like that . So that I learned much later . That is how he passed um , but all his things were in place . Now I look at the other side and my twin brother who passed away earlier this year in january . He didn't have a will .
Speaker 1He didn't have a will .
Speaker 2He didn't have anything in place , I mean , outside of conversations leading up to his transition . You know , we would not have known what to do with any of his possessions had he not had conversations with individuals and we were trustworthy enough to to uphold those wishes for him . So , just being in a position where you can help people navigate , hey , you might want to prepare yourself in these ways , you know , um , because that's the last thing that anyone wants to , wants to think about yeah , but it's like it needs to be one of the first things that happens as you are building a family .
Speaker 1Um , as , whoever the children are , if it's not being talked about enough , as you see , your parents , if they are still alive , getting older , and I think the connotation around the conversation has to change yeah I think that it needs to be as necessary as the birds and the bees talk absolutely like it's got to be .
Speaker 1That absolutely , you know , because that's one of the things that got our culture in the position that it's in now . Anyway , because we've had elders and ancestors who have had land and houses and businesses who didn't have it in order to , where we passed down . Nor were we looking at the importance of it as the generation coming up behind like , hey , we , this is something that needs to stay within our family and in our culture . So there's , there's a , there's been a ton of missed opportunities throughout the generations of time .
Speaker 1Right as a like majority , i'ma say yes and I know the ones who have done it . They're like an anomaly right right you know what I'm saying .
Speaker 1Like the , the families who do it now it's like an anomaly , I'm sure , and the , the entire conversation , conversation , excuse me has to change the emotion around it . It can be emotionally charged , that's okay , but we got to be able to push through and understand what's really happening , right right , and get a better grip on the reality of things and take the spookism out of this shit , because it's a real thing that's going on .
Speaker 1We're losing a lot of territory right and we're losing a lot of resolve , mental resolve yes , around this shit yes , I mean you don't have things in place .
Speaker 2I've I've heard and seen it break up families or , at at bare minimum , cause a type of animosity that makes you not want to really be around those family members because there were just things that were not in order facts , you know oh , you know , we got this lamb but it was in such and such his name and well , they didn't pay the taxes on it . So now the city has it and it's like right who knows what could have been done with the land .
Speaker 2Maybe you don't do something with it , but your grandchildren do something with it .
Speaker 1You just don't know . I'm telling you now in my family , the from what I've gathered from other family members , we have like 100 acres . We had 100 acres and I don't know if it was lost through death or if it was sold prior to , but what I'm saying is there wasn't no conversation that happened amongst that generation before yeah , that came before me .
Speaker 1They never got the opportunity to really talk about that or get put up on game right I'm not blaming them , I'm just saying because I , if it was that , then that's , then that would have been passed down like hey , we missed a prime opportunity to take over pop pops . You know land and acres and things like that . I know , that it .
Speaker 1I know that it wasn't a discussion right , so what I'm saying is there is a lot of prepping that should go into the these things when we consider creating a family , when we can consider thinking of a future that we can maintain right as a microcosm and the macro , um , you know . And then for me , like I think , another tidbit personally is this idea that we have of how life is going to be . We get so fixated on that idea . I know I did . I got fixated on an idea of how my life was going to be and then , when it when my life was no longer going to be like that not because I couldn't make it happen , but just because the person could no longer be to be like that not because I couldn't make it happen , but just because the person could no longer be there with me there's nothing that I can do .
Speaker 1There's no amount of money . It's not like , you know , you got chemo and the person get to go through chemo and then there's a possibility that they'll make it and then you all can continue to live life . It's not like , uh , that they'll make it and then you all can continue to live life . It's not like , uh , you know I got this big deal coming through and if this money hits then we can all go and and then we can live the life . You know I'm saying right it was none of that .
Speaker 1It's like yo . There's literally nothing that I can for the plans that I had with this person that was in my life .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1Right , and so your whole vision is shattered and you put it , and then I put a lot of energy into that time , belief , right , faith into that plan .
Navigating Life After Loss
Speaker 1So when it's , when it's derailed sporadically , like it's not , like you know , I think it's , I think death . Deaths are different . So when you experience something that comes out of left field , versus like you know somebody who is ill and you're watching them deteriorate , you can really prepare for that . But when it's like just so sudden , and it come out of left field and it's like just five minutes ago we was having a convo and now you're dead , Right .
Speaker 1Like that's crazy , right , that's some crazy stuff to fathom , and then doing it at 15 exactly you know so , but what I'm saying is learning to surrender and let go of how life should be and embracing how life could be . That was the thing for me , because that could is so much .
Speaker 1In that could , the should is so limited yes the should for me was so limited , but the could is so vast . And once I got that , everything started to open up you . The days weren't as gloomy , the alcohol didn't taste as good , the smoke didn't hit the same you see what I'm saying . And then eventually got to the place where it was like yo , enough is enough and I'm cool on those things . And now fast forward four years , sober , sober , and here we are having the conversation . So um , life after loss is very interesting because it's really all on you there is . There isn't any one or any person or thing that can really make you say I'm okay , it's got to be you .
Speaker 2Exactly , exactly to the conversation that you did , because it is a lesson in how loss , how it changes us , how it changes the relationships around us yeah how it makes us or shapes us into who we are , or who you know , who we , who we think we are supposed to be , versus who we actually are , and you know then , just navigating , just navigating after you know , you know you at 29 . Yeah , very different , very different .
Speaker 1Especially because she was in her late 40s . Right . So you know it wasn't like it wasn't , it was way different . Yo Like because my mom was my road dog . Like it wasn't , it was way different . Yo like because my mom was my road dog . So I know , like people you know us as men we'd be like yo mom is your first love and for anybody who has that relationship , and it's like yo mama , my mama , is , that's my girl . You know I'm saying like that's how my mom was for me yeah you know .
Speaker 1so to lose that in the fashion that I did it was . I didn't know that it would impact me the way that it did . Yeah , and I don't think anybody can prepare themselves for a death like that when someone is that instrumental in your life and in your family's life , because it ain't even all about me .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1She was a sister right , she was an auntie , she was a cousin , she was a mentor , she was a coach , she was a friend Right you know . So all of those people that she impacted felt that . You know , and , and I learned that , the day that , the night that she was pronounced dead , how many people showed up to the hospital . It was nuts , it was like a movie scene . Wow , no , it really was , it was like a movie scene . And her step team came . All of these people from the school , from the high school , came from the church , all of these people from the school from the high school came from the church .
Speaker 1Just all her different endeavors and friends that she had from growing up in that area . Yeah , you know the family members that live with us or not live with us , but lived in the area . It was nuts . It was like it was so many people that came to the hospital when they got the news . My coaches and teachers from my school right came there . Wow , you know , uh , teammates of mine on the , on the football teams , parents coming to the , to the hospital wow , you feel what I'm saying .
Speaker 2She , she made impact yeah , for sure .
Speaker 1So when I seen that it was so crazy because I didn't really cry um at the hospital like that I cried when I got home yeah I went to my I think I went to my dad's that night after all the chaos died , died off and all that .
Speaker 1But um , I would , I was going somewhere with this . Oh , just saying that I learned , yo , how grateful , how lucky I was because I got to be with her every day , and the way that she impacted them people and she was only with them a couple hours out the day right and and they showed up like that . Yeah , it lets me know the type of woman that was in my life yes right .
Speaker 1So it also allowed me to see why it hurts so deeply , because I had that every day . If she can do that for people to come and she's only been in your life x amount of hours per day for like a few years you know what I'm saying . I was birthed from you .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1So it was a whole different level for me , you know . Yeah . Yeah , so it's deep stuff .
Navigating Loss and Transition
Speaker 2It is , and you know we want you as listeners to keep in mind . You know we don't , we're not doing this episode for it to be solemn and pitiful or make you feel bad .
Speaker 2We are doing this episode because we want to make sure that you know that support like this exists right Support in the form of being able to reach out when you don't know who to reach out , to a role such as end of life doula that can not only support you in navigating the transition , but support your loved one in their transition . Now again , this it's . It's it's a sudden loss , but that type of support is there for you in the , in the case of the sudden loss , and in the in the case of someone who is whose health is declining . That support is there for them because we all still need someone . We all still need someone .
Speaker 1We need each other .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 1It's not cool anymore to say I'm cool and you ain't fucking cool , right , that shit is dead man . That's not the wave , no more . That's not the vibe , it ain't none of them words trying to figure it out for yourself listen , the coolest thing you can do is be honest and then be transparent and come clean with yourself about what is really weighing on you , because we can't continue , as a people and as a culture , to do what we've been doing how we've been doing .
Speaker 1It ain't gotten us anywhere except where we are today right a bunch of liars who are unaware , or actually very aware of how they feel , but are unaware of how to explain it right and let go of it right . And they use that as fuel and they keep harming others and we keep this fucking cycle going and we need to stop it . Y'all period .
Speaker 2We gotta stop it and it bleeds into not just loss when you lose someone that you love , but I mean look at the job , the job market , you know . I've lost . I've lost a job or jobs in a number of ways .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2I have been laid off from jobs , I have gotten let go from jobs , I have gotten let go from jobs and I have also resigned from jobs and we don't realize how , how much that affects us . The first time I was truly fired you know , let's just call it what it is , it was I learned later . Yes , it impacted me in a very , very strong way , but I also learned later that from the person who did the act of firing that they did it to cover their own behind .
Speaker 2So when you are , when you are in situations where even you know you're doing the work that you're supposed to be doing , you know that you are loyal to a particular position and yet things like that can still happen . It's a mind screw , because now you're like well , who do I trust ? I can't even be loyal at the at the place that I am . You know , if I want this to be my career , if this is just the next stepping stone , I can't even really trust anyone around me because I don't know other people's motives . So when loss of a job happens , you have to know how to navigate that too , because it can change you .
Speaker 1It will change you , it will change absolutely . I was bitter , I was bitter as you're spiraling and that worry and that angst comes like yo , where am I gonna get my next dollars from ? You know , even if you have savings that can last you a certain time , you're not trying to dip into that and you know I get it , I feel you bless you boat and it's not in .
Speaker 2And yes , I thought about that like , oh my gosh . You know I've been working this job .
Speaker 1I've been doing what I'm supposed to be doing ?
Speaker 2I I have this . You know integrity that I'm trying to uphold , but you know it's more so the bitterness of how could this person like that's what I held on to and I had to learn .
Speaker 2It took a very , very , very long time , for whatever reasons it did . For one I forgave , and two before I could really let go of it in my own head , because I felt that I was wronged . I felt that I was , I felt like I was wiped of my opportunity to be in the career that that I thought was for me . Now , fast forward , all these years later and it's like well , maybe you weren't meant to be in that .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2But in the moment you know when you're in it , you're not thinking about that because you want what you want because you want what you want .
Speaker 2So , being able to look at every situation of loss as it pertains to this industry of job loss , it's like you have to have a type of mind that says , ok , what's next ?
Speaker 2You know , be in your feelings , have your emotions , have your experience , you know , experience your feelings whatever way you need to experience them . But in order for you to get through and get to your next blessing , your next opportunity in as it pertains to the work that you want to do , you have to be able to say what's next , because we are multifaceted , we are dynamic beings and we stifle a lot of our gifts when we hold on to said bitterness , when we can't get past the . Why did this happen to me ? And I think that's important for people to to realize too because , again , being that it changes us , it changes the relationships around it , changes and shapes who we are as we continue to move ahead and forward in life . Yeah , um , so I think , with that , it's , it's the matter of experiencing your experience and then asking yourself well , what's next ? What gifts do I truly have that I haven't allowed to shine , and what's next for me ?
Speaker 1yeah , okay , I feel that I feel I'm watching you . I'm watching this new version of you over here on this microphone , holding Sakara . It's just dope . I get intrigued and mesmerized by it sometimes .
Speaker 2Thank you . I'm thankful and I need to thank her . Well , I need to thank her for being so quiet and now she's started to get vocal .
Speaker 1I think it's important that she sees that we do this . It's almost akin to like when artists bring their kids into the studio with them and watch them and let them see them recording , and you know , I hear about all of those different stories and stuff like that . Yeah , so it's . I just think it's dope .
Speaker 2Yeah , and .
Speaker 1I don't think that the audience of mine I hope the audience doesn't mind we're doing it intentionally . It's not like we're trying to hide it , you know . Like oh she we trying to keep her quiet . Like no , she's breastfeeding right now . Has been breastfeeding and I love it . Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2And and you know , I believe that even infants remember little nuances like this you know this is this . What we're doing is a product of the results , of what happens when you lose something . What we're doing right now , you know we've been in positions where we have , you know , lost our jobs . You know we have had loss of loved ones and it's it's really in our court , the ball is in our court , to to say all right , well , you know what's next . I I have wanted to get back on the mic with you and this year has just been a challenge .
Speaker 2I'm losing my twin right early in the in the first week of the year , the first week , you know , we drove to Virginia on New Year's Eve and we're in Virginia New Year's Day and we spent the first six days the year um , saying goodbye to my brother and then , you know , celebrating , you know having a celebration of life for him , and I was not expecting to have my year start off like that and so navigating the loss which , you know you were right there . You know his transition was one where we were , we were kind of given the script for him . He was at a certain decline and there was just nothing else that could be done , nothing else that could be done . So you know we were all around him as he transitioned and even knowing that it was coming was still hard . Because you don't want to . You don't want to see that last breath , you don't want to say I love you and then hear it for the last time . You don't want those last pictures to be the last pictures that you take .
Speaker 1Especially as a twin .
Speaker 2Especially as a twin . You know he was my only blood , my closest blood in life . You know we were adopted into our family and you know it's just different . I love my family . I will say this you might hear this in another episode later down the road I love my family . There's nobody like my life and he was the only blood that I had closest to me . Um , for the the the point up until you know January this year , and I've gotten to know biological family , uh , family , but it's just not the same .
Speaker 1It's not the same , that's okay to say you don't gotta feel no guilt on that yeah it's not it's not a shot at nobody , that's at all yeah that's the reality of the situation , right , you know I'm saying I mean we went 22 years that's what ?
Speaker 2And now the second half of our life yes we've gotten to know various members and you know as adults it's different . You know it's different . Everybody's doing life . Everybody has their own agenda and you know , like you said no slight to anybody but said all that to say . You know the way that you supported me , my family . You know just your presence offered mom helping my sister . You know family understand that it's okay to celebrate the life . You know because after his services , you know we went back to my sister's house and we're telling stories .
Speaker 2You know good stories I remember about him and his dog , smoke and um I rock his smoke yes , and so I .
Speaker 2I am grateful for how that relationship shaped me , because it was up and down me and my twin , you know especially in the latter years .
Speaker 2Um , it was up and down but you helped me to , uh , be able to rest in where I was and also remember the the great memories , space for and you still hold , space for when those times come up where I get emotional , and help me navigate the grief and the joy that I've been experiencing throughout the year .
Speaker 2So I really thank you for that , because that it helps shape me into also the mother that I want to be for Sakara , you know , and helping her because you've given me tools . I can now give her tools when things come up in her life like loss , you know . So I always am going to give my kudos to you , I'm always going to give you your gold stars and your brownie points , and sakara said the best um , I'm always going to give that and offer that to you , because I know one thing we talk about on this podcast that will come up in various episodes is having a healthy relationship and being able to celebrate you is something that matters to me , so I appreciate that it's not , it's not fake love over here people I'm not just bigging him up , because I feel like it's the best thing to do .
Speaker 1On the podcast , I big him up , because when we get off here she gonna go back to throwing the glass against the wall y'all .
Speaker 2I big him up off the mic also . So it's's authentic , it's truly authentic .
Speaker 1I really appreciate that love and watching you navigate the turmoil , the ups and downs this year . It's been . It's been pretty eye opening . It's been pretty eye opening . I think we don't talk about it as much as men . Again that thing where it's like there's so much that you can do for a person that you care for , but when that's not enough enough , what are you to do ? You know , and so knowing that even though I'm showing up and I'm doing .
Speaker 1What I'm doing is still not going to stop the pain . That part hurts . But then I learned to step outside of that and not make it about me . Yeah , right , and so hopefully , whoever's listening , you can take that tidbit and do it yourself too , when you're dealing with loss or someone else is dealing with loss that's close to you and you know that you're trying and you know like , hey , I'm doing all of these things for this person , not for them to acknowledge that you're there , but to really help them . And it's still not enough . It's not enough only because the thing that they need they can only find in themselves themselves . You know you don't make it about you and then you get down on you because it's not enough it's not about you , it's still about the other person .
Speaker 1And that's another thing and I wrote about that in my book as well where , where a person makes someone else's death about them , we make it about us . And we gotta step out of that framework and out of that mindset , out of that thinking , and really start considering the person who just transitioned as well . Right , you know , I'm saying a lot of my , a lot of my , um , animosity and things came from thinking the first way , which is like , oh man , like I'm alone and I'm this and I'm like I'm going through this and I gotta deal with this , and you're not going to be here at my graduation , you're going to miss my weddings and you're going to miss your grandchildren , and I got to like , you see what I'm saying ? It's all this , I shit . It's all this me shit . That goes on in grief .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1And until you're able to step outside of yourself and think to yourself one moment like wait a minute . I'm acting as if , like my mom wanted to bounce right .
Speaker 1I'm acting as if , like , she wanted it to be like this . So hold on for it . Hold on for a second , see what I'm saying . Like you , really start to so when you're dealing like , like watching you , knowing that it's like yo , it's not gonna always be like this fam , like she's not gonna be in this low moment or in in these , all of these lows for the rest of our relationship right you know , I'm saying you gotta allow her to feel it , because that's what's needed , that's what's necessary yeah because , because you know , I'm sure it could have been a time there was a point in time I was like man , ain't that working , it's just hard , like I don't want to see you like this .
Speaker 1And then I'm taking it on like I ain't shit because I can't do . You know I mean . But at the end of the day it's like watching you come out of that not unscathed but unafraid to wear the wound , to take the dressing off , the scar and show it .
Speaker 1I love that and I admire that about you thanks , love I do thank you , and I would hope that anybody else out here listening could do the same . You give them the space and you give them permission to do the same . Feel me so . She might want another um , another boob or some shit , I don't know , let's see , let's see , we'll see .
Speaker 2Um , you know I thank you , thank
Embracing Emotional Release and Growth
Speaker 2you . It has been a journey because not only have I been navigating those emotions , but I've been navigating the emotions of just , you know , new motherhood . You know being having my emotion , having my hormones have the dramatic drop that they did after having a baby , our man crazy . So couple that with , couple that with when the feelings of sadness wave over me , and then this drop of hormones , and you're even more emotional . And some of those times you don't even know why I could be emotional , because I just saw , you know , the the uh limu imu on the liberty insurance commercial . You know and don't know why , but it's , you know , limu imu , give him a chance .
Speaker 2I don't know , um , but I am grateful for the space because you , from that day of Juan's transition , I remember holding his hand for like two hours , like an hour before , up to the hour , an hour and change after he passed away , and you said to me it's okay to let go , because his soul is at rest now and what you're , you're only holding on now to this physical body and his soul has already ascended and transitioned and that , yeah , that essence is , is no longer there and , for whatever reason , that gave me a lot of um comfort in knowing like , yeah , you know this body he was not . He wasn't feeling good in this body he wasn't healthy in this body .
Speaker 2He had all kinds of medications at that point running through his body just keeping him alive and so , uh , going into loss , going into the very beginnings of loss of someone , of a job , of yourself , because I mean , heck that's . I felt like that was half of me . And so now , because we have very different traits and and mannerisms , you know ways of being , I felt like that part of him that was gone , who was the comedian , who was the diva , who was , you know , the one that just kept everyone laughing . I don't have that . So , oh my gosh , what you know , happen like that essence in the world is gone , but it's not , really not if you continue to honor that person and celebrate that person . And I don't know , I just , I just know that you saying that , not that I need permission for things , but we all need that assurance that says it's okay to let go , it's okay to continue the journey because you're still here . So what else are you going to do ?
Speaker 2And you , didn't say it that way , but it's okay to continue the journey because you'll find new ways to live and thrive , and I think that you've done that , even though your journey also has been one of ups and downs . I see the times where you just really miss your mom . I see the times where you allow yourself to feel that and I see the times where you come out of it because you've been able to have that release , right , um , and I think that , for anyone listening , another tip make sure that you are again allowing yourself that release . We all grieve and celebrate in our own individual ways , but if we don't even allow ourselves to experience the grief , to experience the celebration , the big wins , the small wins , then we are stuck smothering ourselves , drowning in emotions that we're not allowing to be free and be out in the you know , out in the world .
Speaker 2So , anybody , if you feel like you're holding on to something or you , you know you have been holding on to something . You are holding on to something and you don't know what to do with it . To something , you are holding on to something and you don't know what to do with it . If you don't want to talk to anybody in that , in this given moment . Be sure to know that it's okay to have your own moments of release , whether that's cry , whether that's yell , whether that's right , whether that's dance , whether that's , you know , honoring that person in whatever way , or honoring that , that , that situation in time , you can . You can honor a loss of a job by recognizing what you learned and recognizing what you are going to take with you into the next career path . Right , you know , you can honor who you were and still celebrate the person that you're becoming yeah , that's , that's a fact .
Navigating Grief and Self-Healing
Speaker 1I don't think I could say it any better . You know , for real , like we're not designed just biologically , we're not designed to hold things in . Food comes in , it's digested and then it's peed out , it's pooped out , right , right . You run , you get overheated , you sweat . Toxins come out with the sweat . You cry , you spit . You know what I'm saying ? You breathe , something is constantly coming out . So we literally go against our nature when we try to hold things in Right , thinking that we're holding it together .
Speaker 2Right While we're unraveling inside .
Speaker 1Which is why it's so heavy , because it's just not our nature . First , our nature is not to be in that type of stress anyway . Right .
Speaker 1But that's a whole nother thing . Just taking it to where we are or staying where we are right now in this day and age is like we're not even designed to hang on to that type of grief , right , that type of pain we are . We are supposed to be able to process those things through fellowship , through the exchange of the emotion , via communication , to then be able to process it , heal from and then utilize it in the best way moving forward .
Speaker 3So yeah , it gets tough when you aren't equipped with how to navigate in a life like that .
Speaker 1Of course , we can go on and say , well , there's plenty of opportunity to , you know , for people to get help and aid , and there's god . But then it's like well , yes , I believe in that . Yet and still , what's the framework for your approach to a conversation , conversation With God ? Right With the ancestors With Jesus .
Speaker 1If that's what you believe in , you know what I'm saying Like so People are getting caught up in the modality too . Before they even get to the point where they can have An open conversation with the entity that they believe in , they stuck at even is my approach even right ?
Speaker 1right because , based on what I was taught and growing up , you know I'm saying , and the work that I haven't done to keep that relationship like it's just so many nuanced things . So I now I feel where you're coming from . It's it's uh , you know , but it gets lighter , it lightens up . Um , life can be heavy at times . Life can be light . It's all in really how you want it to be . It's really how you want it to be . Right .
Speaker 1At the end of the day , if you want life to be heavy , or if life is heavy , it's probably because you want it to be that there is actually and this is the self-accountability part on this pod , right , and you might take this with a grain of salt and I'm cool with it but there is a part of you that likes the pain . There's a part of you that likes the heaviness of life . If life is heavy , I'm telling you now it's the weirdest thing , but it's true there's something that comes along with it that is filling that part of you and allowing you to stay in that heaviness . Right , and you got to figure out what it is in order to supersede it for real . They don't talk about that in counseling , y'all they don't talk .
Speaker 1They don't talk about it that deep they don't talk about it like that man they do give give .
Speaker 1Find the name of that therapy put it in a comment , drop it in the dm so we can shout them out . Come telling you for real , and this ain't nothing that I got from , no books or nothing Like this is really intuitive talk . This is through experience . You know , there was a part of me that liked that that was my story , because it was something that I could anchor in Cause I could always feel like I triumphed over something . So then someone will respect me Right .
Speaker 1But at the same time it's like but you don't want that to be your story all the time . Like you know , how are you utilizing that tragedy in a way that isn't wholesome . Yeah . And sincere you feel me Like . So yeah , you got to ask yourself some of them type of questions when you navigate in this life after loss If you really trying to be like in a place where you can experience joy again if you ain't experiencing it . Right . You got to fight for your joy .
Speaker 1Getting that joy . Yeah , you got to fight for that joy , like the you got to there is no , it's not going to be handed to you , it ain't going to be , you know , cooked up by somebody else and put on a plate for you to eat it . You got to get in that kitchen every day , inside of you and generate that joy from the inside out , because it becomes insatiable . If you want to search on the outside right , you will be looking every . You'll be fucking with the wrong people , you'll be drinking the wrong drinks and eating wrong foods and going and moving to the wrong places and working the wrong jobs trying to find that joy .
Speaker 2boy , you will , for real that is a fact for real , that whole time you're running away .
Speaker 1Think you're running the joy . You're running away , you run it away . Yo right for real right man lessons and loss man yeah lessons and loss .
Speaker 2I I'm I'm grateful for this conversation . This was a good one . It was a . It was a little . It was a little heavy , because you know the I know , for me at least . You know the sadness , the grieving , the heavy feelings . They don't always stay heavy . It does get lighter . I don't know . I don't know how I feel about it , but it's very new for you . Yeah , this is very new yeah .
Speaker 1In this season .
Speaker 2It's very new for me but you know , I can even think about , you know , my dad , and be sad for fill in the blank reason why I miss him so much . And it's been , you know , going on Twenty Two , twenty three years , going on 22 , 23 years , and you know it . I don't . I don't know that I like it when people are like , oh , it gets better , it gets better , it's like no no I don't know those that's the right word so no , you know death and transition etiquette don't tell people .
Speaker 1it's going to get better . It doesn't . No , that is the worst thing that you could give someone if they are in the midst of experiencing grief and all of that Like hell . No , it does not get better . What happens is that the weight stays the same , but you become aware and you become equipped Right , your ability to handle it improves , but the thing itself will always remain the same , if not get more intense , as life goes on , and that is on . Don't you do that shit .
Speaker 1I'm telling you as a friend right don't do it yo , but your ability to process gets a whole lot better . If you want it to get better , Right . You got to want it . You got to want to get better and you got to want it . You're understanding to improve and increase . So that way , when the when the wave does come , you know exactly what you need and you not want to search for somebody to give you what you think you need .
Speaker 1You know what you need in the moment to process it and deal with it right be okay right I know I remember one of the times when I told you I'm listening to , uh , one of the songs
Navigating Loss and Finding Healing
Speaker 1. Remember , the bro gay had a song on his story and I was like , oh , this song fire . And then I listened to the song . We was about to walk out the door and I listened , I put on the song and it just it caught me and it made me sit my ass on that couch and I just bawled . Yes .
Speaker 1Bawled and cried and you were like your mood it just came out of nowhere . But I knew I've been trying to get that cry for god knows how long I've been trying to get it and the song unlocked it for me . Yeah , alex isley fire artist , she is fire right .
Speaker 1Sat me down on that couch , got that cry out and went about my day yeah because I don't let crying dictate my whole entire mood yeah I can have a session where I cry and that's what I need for that moment , and I know how to pull myself up out of that and continue my day . And those are the things that you learn in life after loss . Instead of it being like , oh , I'm crying and like this is the worst thing ever , and now my whole day gotta be like this , it's like it don't yeah it don't gotta be like that , yeah , so you can experience your experience and then say what's next for sure .
Speaker 1So yeah , don't let nobody tell you oh , it gets better , oh it gets better . No , it don't stop that line we get better , we get better . It does not get better .
Speaker 2Right , the loss becomes more intense right as you experience , especially if you've lost someone as a younger person . But even if you lose someone as you get older , there's always things to experience in life and when you are expectant of doing those things , celebrating those things , experiencing those things with the person that you've lost yeah , it is , it's takes the . It rips the band-aid off . It rips the band-aid off and you know it's okay to experience that band-aid coming off and that wound feeling fresh , because that is someone who meant something to you , that is someone who mattered to you , and you are allowed and if no one has told you or if they try to stifle your feelings , you are allowed to experience whatever comes up for you .
Speaker 2It's , it's natural , it's very natural . Um , what's unnatural is bottling it up and saying , oh , I'm fine , because all that is doing is basically putting everything in this pressurized can and as soon as it breaks and you know , as soon as someone cracks open the can , everything comes out spilling out . You can't control it and now you're stuck . You know , being in this erratic way , that you didn't have to be .
Speaker 2If you lose a job , situation , place that means something to you , or even that doesn't mean a whole lot to you , but it was yours and you lost it . You know , whether it be the job , whether it be the pet , whether it be the car , whether it be the home , it means something to you . You're allowed to feel the way that you need to feel in order to get to the next step , and it also matters in the in the case of losing yourself . It's it's okay to be angry that you , that a part of you , you feel that a part of you is gone . You feel like you've lost a part of yourself . In all three cases , remember that you can travel a new path . You can find a new purpose . You can even celebrate that old self . You can celebrate , you can grieve and also celebrate that old self of you .
Speaker 2I hear a lot of people , moms especially .
Speaker 2I don't know if I hear too many dads saying it , but a lot of moms saying oh my gosh , I'm losing myself in motherhood . I felt like I've lost myself in motherhood , and no shade to that , because I can see how it happens . You know , know , everything becomes about the baby , the family , the job , the fill in the blank everything before her , um . Which is why in our previous episode if you check out episode number two , um , where we talked about being sure to take care of yourself , not losing yourself and losing your routine , but getting back to that , to feel like yourself again I think that's so necessary to remember that you can always get back into whatever way of life routine that you want to when you feel like you're losing yourself . You don't have to live in that . You don't have to let that live rent free in your soul , in your body , in your spirit . You can experience it and then politely evict it by doing things that allow you to come back to yourself . So keep that in mind , chew on that cooking .
Speaker 1Yo , you see , I'll just be quiet , I'll just be over here listening like , yeah , she's on it oh man , thanks love thank , I appreciate you . Yeah , this is another fire episode , another dope talk . I hope that it's always my intention for our listeners to take value home , little nuggets , little trinkets of inspiration that they can apply to circumstances that they're dealing with right now . Yeah . You know , and I think that we gave them a lot .
Speaker 2I think so too , and you know , what else I also think is can be supplementary help to this episode is your book . Unity is the Shift . I think that book that you penned so well . It includes a lot of nuggets , probably , that we didn't even touch on Some that we did , but there are a lot that we didn't touch on because you know , when we're talking about lessons and loss , you know really what we're also saying is we need to get back to community and finding the unity in that , versus continuing to stay divisive , continuing to you know , try to do it on your own continuing to not acknowledge what's there . And I think that the listener would gain a lot of value from being able to go through the different chapters in your book and also have reflection and start to heal . You know , I think that's a wonderful resource , so go ahead , tell them where they can get .
Speaker 1Yeah , my first ever self-published book titled Unity is the Shift . Unify your heart and mind at all costs . You can find that on my website , you can find it on Amazon and you can find it on Barnes and Noble dot com .
Speaker 2What's your website ?
Speaker 1Sam Walker Inspo dot com is the website . I actually had an issue with the domain and I have to buy it back . So if you go under my link tree , sandwalker Inspo , you can see it'll still take you to the website . It'll take you directly to the book and you can still check it out from my actual website and receive a signed copy . But it is not sandwalker inspo . If you type that in , it won't take you to it . I gotta work on getting my domain name back we'll put a link .
Speaker 2We'll put a link in the you know show notes area for you so that you can get access to the book . Get you a signed copy , man , because it's nothing like getting that authenticity in your hands right and that's neither here nor there .
Speaker 1Like the domain thing is light work , that's lightweight yeah , the heavy work is the book self-published 11 chapters , airplane read , which means you can take it on the plane with you and in one plane ride you can finish the entire book . It's been done numerous times , it's been tried , it's been tested and it is true except if you're going from , like atlanta to raleigh or no , charlotte , in an hour flight really hour flight you can get through it oh well part of the time that you sit down and that plane take off to the time that you land .
Speaker 1You can read this whole book .
Speaker 2Well , pardon me , I had , I didn't know . I was thinking , oh , you know , here to the Central Time Zone here to three times over from Atlanta to LA . Oh well , there you go , there you go .
Speaker 1And it was intentionally done like that . You know , I condensed the book from 20 some chapters to or 30 some chapters to 11 chapters , and then I made those chapters very , uh , short yeah because it wasn't my intent to bombard people with my experiences and overdraw it out and overstay my welcoming your heart and mind .
Speaker 1Yo like it's a spiritual quest memoir . It's quick , it's easy to read . You're gonna find some good things in it , some good things to discuss . Uh , there's some areas where you can write thoughts and reflections as well , and you can hit me on social media , on threads , and you can hit me on the DM and IG if you got questions , if you just want to converse about the book too . Yeah .
Speaker 1You know , um . So yeah , unity is the shift . That is the book that the wifey is talking about . My first self published book won't be my last , right , but yeah , it's definitely a great resource and I'll continue to talk about that more and also as I finish the certification up for becoming a certified deaf doula end of life doula and then offering different services in 2025 . So , yeah , be on the lookout for a lot of this great life changing and enhancing , enhancing information , services and experiences to be shared . Can I talk my shift podcast hosted by lashawn g walker , sam walker , your boy , and we are on youtube , we are on spotify , we're on apple , we're on amazon , we're everywhere where podcasts can be streamed .
Speaker 2yeah , I think our littlest co-host is ready to go to the next thing yeah if you hear her , she's saying thank you . She's sending her gratitude um . We appreciate you joining us in this episode and we'll see you in the next episode of yeah , can I talk my shift ?
Speaker 1yeah , season three , episode four consistency is key and um we unlocking the dough . I love you . I love you too . I love y'all until next time . Thank you for sticking with us and yeah , we'll see y'all in the next episode , for sure .
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