Back To Your Old Ways I See

This episode focuses on accountability and owning up to past choices. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their life narratives, confront feelings of shame, and seek spiritual reconnection to cultivate a genuine self-identity.

Recognizing and accepting past behaviors is a vital part of our growth story. We share how an emotionally abusive upbringing birthed a performative existence, leading to burnout and the relentless pursuit of external success. Reconnecting with ourselves and spirituality emerges as a beacon of hope, urging honest conversations and vulnerability. By taking responsibility for our life paths, we learn to embrace genuine personal and spiritual growth, moving away from selfish tendencies towards a more authentic life.

Transcript

Exploring Accountability and Personal Growth

Speaker 1 0:00

what it do love what's happening.

Speaker 2 0:01

Yo like this month's topic is accountability. Here we are accountable and shit keeping ourselves accountable. Keeping ourselves accountable like a mug yo. It's funny because like this episode is uh is actually spot on with accountability. I know you don't really know what we about to be discussing. The other day it was like three in the morning or something like that, and I had got a friend request from a teammate of mine from college I don't know if it was a friend request or if, oh you know how, like no, it it wasn't.

Speaker 2 0:42

That you know, like on IG, when you go to somebody else's page and then it has like suggestions to follow. I seen an old teammate of mine from college and I was like dang yo. So I went to the page and I and I seen, like you know just how they are now and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 1:02

And then they just kind of sent me on this trail of reminiscing, right, not longing for it, just like reminiscing about all of those times. And man, I mean next thing I know I looked at the time and it was like 4, 45, wow, like I just went on a spree of of looking and searching for people from that time, right, and what their life is like now and all of that. And it was so crazy because I lost track of time just thinking about what I was doing at that time, who I was at that time, what my decisions were. Like yeah, I did that with that person. Like we went out and did this, or like you know, I had an argument with that mug and I could have handled it better, or, you know, it was those types of conversations.

Speaker 1 1:57

Right.

Speaker 2 1:58

And just me having those thoughts. And so this episode is crazy because we're talking about taking responsibility for your old ways, and I thought you know that was already going to be the topic anyway. So when that happened, I thought, oh yeah, I got to definitely talk about that in the pod because I don't know if we really do that a lot.

Speaker 1 2:24

Yeah, I think as a lot.

Speaker 2 2:25

Yeah, I think as a whole, yeah, just people in general. You know, for me I was like trying to move so fast all the time, and so when me trying to move fast through life to get to a place that I thought was like the success point or the beginning point of success, yeah.

Speaker 1 2:47

I made a lot of terrible decisions, not for the other person, but for me yeah, because somewhere along the line in our late teens, 20s, even 30s, early 30s, that we have it together Like no, like, out of all that I've experienced, I gotta have it together now and life will be like oh, you thought, you thought.

Speaker 2 3:22

Man, because, you know, I don't know if that was guidance counselors in high school, because I don't think it was my family for real. It was more like the guidance counselors, the teachers and other like peers who was saying who was doing like the the time restraint goals. So by 40, I should have two kids, a dog, a house, five cars. You know, I should have traveled the world a little bit. I should have done all these things by this age.

Speaker 1 3:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2 3:56

And really like that ain't even real.

Speaker 1 3:59

None of it is, but if we are trusting people, we trust that who we're getting this information from is giving us the best information yeah for us and you know it's.

Speaker 1 4:17

I think it's another case of, uh, they they said that they and it's like's like, well, who is they? Yeah, and why are they the keepers of law? Hmm, things that we consider law. So we get stuck in this timeline that they created, that they said is the best for us, and completely omitting ourselves from the well, what do I want? What is it that's good for me? You know? Do I even want a family? Do I want to travel the world a family? Do I want to travel the world, or do I want to even have my own?

Speaker 1 5:12

home and and maintenance and what that looks like.

Speaker 1 5:14

So, yeah, I think we get caught up in that, and so our old ways really don't even reflect us like who we are meant to be I feel like so you think that's for you um, you know, I think it's for, unless you're one of those people who was like laser focused, like you know, the people who I have a god sister who she's wanted to be a teacher literally all of the lifespan that I have known her and she ended up being a teacher.

Speaker 1 5:48

Now she works for the school system. She's not a teacher anymore, but she works within the school system, but for her she's laser focused, knew what she wanted to do. So people like that no, I think they know, and that's just some people, just know. But I think for the majority of us we have these old ways of being that we're trying to, that we claim we think is is us and it's really just the experiences that have that we have allowed to occur in our lives and it's not really us it's just the experiences we were conditioning ourselves to fit in a role yes in a group of people who we thought was the end-all be-all.

Speaker 2 6:46

I know that's for me. You know what's crazy like when I tell you, when we watch movies and things right, what's the thing I always tell you about the best man. Do you remember about the movie the best man and the in the last installment, the final chapters?

Speaker 1 7:02

wait, what do you say?

Speaker 2 7:05

if you don't remember I don't remember I'm all of them in one yes yes, like that movie is you do? Because, honestly, all four of those guys are personification of one man, all the the facets of one man in this time, and I don't think people really look at that movie that way. But if you go back and you watch the movie and you consider it as all of those four dudes are just a culmination of one man, they're just split into four different ways.

Navigating Identity and Seeking Validation

Speaker 2 7:43

So wait, I need you to explain it Because for the people who have not, like I don't know who has it, but you've seen the best man if for those who are like, I'm not quite sure who you're talking about you have seen the best man, so, but the reason why I said that I maybe have to do another episode on the breakdown, but Merch, right, yeah, so Merch, if you look at his role and how he developed throughout the entire series, from the first movie to the second movie, to then the final chapters, when he finally tipped- yeah. He went over the boiling point.

Speaker 1 8:21

Because he was the pushover.

Speaker 2 8:22

Right. He was the pushover. He ended up. He was the yes man, he was the people pleaser, right. And so he ended up becoming this mma fighter because he just has so much pent up inside, right? I think there's a little bit of that in all of us men, especially in our old ways yeah but I'll just speak for me especially. That was one dimension of my being. That wasn't my entire being, yeah, but that was a dimension.

Speaker 2 8:50

I really felt where he was coming from in that final chapter's role got you right, because so you got your homeboy, who you really been like, seeking their approval throughout life. Not really voicing it, though yeah you kind of contort and minimize yourself to fit this role. To now, you are the ongoing butt of the joke. You're the person who kind of shoulders the the rest of your friends when, when they're kind of down and they expect you to be there. But when it's your turn and you have issues and challenges, your issues actually become more of a joke yeah actually getting help?

Speaker 2 9:34

yeah, right, so like he was dealing with the, with old girl who you know was doing some strange stuff for change, right? And then falled up falling in love with her, but before that he was with a very controlling woman.

Speaker 1 9:46

Right.

Speaker 2 9:47

Narcissistic woman who actually ended up being with his homeboy.

Speaker 1 9:51

Right, who kind of gathered her?

Speaker 2 9:54

Right or not, kind of. But who was plotting on her low key? But we ain't going to get into that. And then. So now you're building this life with this new woman and then some old stuff about her comes to the surface and it's embarrassing. Yeah, you don't know how to, how to approach it. You come to your friends for help. What they do? They joke you about it, they continue to joke you about it, and then you go into the third, third installment, or the final chapters, where now everything is coming to a head. You know, and everybody else's problems is just, they're just more important than yours, right? Even in your own household, your wife's problems are more important than yours. Your children's problems are more important than yours. More important than yours, your children's problems are more important than yours. Your friends problems are more important than yours. And your problems are still the running thing of the joke, so much so that your director friend puts you in the movie as this guy who has all these problems and is a pushover. So you tip yeah all right.

Speaker 2 11:03

So I realized that, because I was like yo, if I would have just had the language and if I would have had the um, the backing, the emotional backing, to speak up a lot more in my old ways, I would have avoided a lot of things I wouldn't say avoided I wouldn't have had to deal with.

Speaker 1 11:31

So much right. Can you give an example?

Speaker 2 11:34

yeah, yeah, like so in college, the college years, that's where I picked up drinking heavy.

Speaker 1 11:46

Okay.

Speaker 2 11:47

I picked up drinking super heavy. I was never really one who thought they would become a heavy drinker, let alone have challenges with it. Right, I think if I would have been able to stand on my square more and knew that I didn't have to do that in order to fit in with the people that I was running with at the time A lot of the issues and challenges that I face with drinking I don't think that I would have had them.

Speaker 2 12:23

Yeah, ok face with drinking. I don't think that I would have had them. Yeah, okay, but you also have to think, of course we're gonna be like well, you gotta look at your family dynamic. Uh, alcoholism runs on your father's side, right, addiction runs on your father's side. I got all that I get you. I wasn't tapped in with that.

Speaker 1 12:43

Right.

Speaker 2 12:44

So it wasn't even a thought.

Speaker 1 12:45

Mm, hmm.

Speaker 2 12:47

But I think if I was tapped in I would have been able to make better decisions, right, right, but I know for me that was offered because we were this thing at this time, this group of guys who were pretty much running, running shit. Yeah, you know, I'm saying, and it was like everybody had their role and my role was to basically shoulder everything in a way, because they thought I could handle it right, for whatever reason yeah I'm supposed to be the one that's gonna be that just gotta handle this.

Speaker 2 13:31

And then, not only that, maybe my light is bright to the point where now you gotta be joked a lot because they don't want you to kind of realize, like yo, you are dope.

Speaker 1 13:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:50

You dope. We just don't want you to be doper than us.

Speaker 1 13:53

Right that part right there.

Speaker 2 13:57

And so, when you're always seeking outside validation, you put yourself in spaces where you've probably really outgrown that, yeah, you actually are better than that, but you don't even realize it. And so you fit like a puzzle piece because you're thinking, yo, these are gonna be my people, or this is gonna be my spouse, or you see what I'm saying? Right, forever and ever and ever. And it, man, your old ways was trash.

Speaker 1 14:29

Exactly. And again, what is it? The saying that, like doctors, scientists say your brain is not even formed fully. Until what age? They say 25, but I feel like it's, it's like you just said, it's it's. It might sound like a joke, but it's like we are forever. Why are we supposed to be forever students? If we, if, if it said, if it stated that your brain is not even fully formed until you're 25, so you're not even able to make logical decisions until you're mid to late 20s. But there's still people out here in their 50s, 60s making decisions that are very questionable, very questionable For real questionable, very questionable. So I feel like, you know, no one's ever really fully formed in their head because in their brain, because we're, something's gonna make you lose some brain cells and if you stop learning, you stunt your, your own growth. So you, I think we're all out here just trying to figure it out and there are some people who feel like they have it figured out.

Speaker 2 15:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 15:51

And those who know they don't have it figured out are the ones who are in the position of okay, what's next? Okay, what can I learn from this? But the people who quote unquote have it all together. They listen to what they say. Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 16:17

I think that my old ways and my old ways of thinking, my old ways of being, I looking for, uh, stability in a place and not just in myself.

Speaker 2 16:31

Yeah, if that makes sense, yeah so that's why I was able to kind of be a chameleon in a way and always be able to fit in to the point where now I can stand out and it's safe to stand out, versus just coming in and saying, yo, that's not where I need to be at period. Right, you see what I'm saying? No, I don't even need to be over there and I don't need to be over there and I don't need to be with you and I damn sure don't need to be with both of y'all. Right, you know, like if I would have been able to say that to myself more instead of asking somebody else. Prime example you're beautiful right out outside and internally you fire. If you have some friends that that don't really got the glow like you, bless you, baby. So you come to them and you say yo like.

Speaker 2 17:27

So bobby, ricky and john, all like me. They all told me that they like me. They gave me these letters, girl, like what should I do? I don't know, I can't really choose one. And they not getting that same type of energy, they can only give you an answer from where they are, not where, not from your level right. So they might say I, if I was getting chose like that, I would try all of them and what and you not realizing your light or your glow being more like a bigger aura.

Speaker 2 18:07

You're going to take that advice Not realizing, like this person ain't never been in your shoes, right? So what I'm saying is growing up I dealt with that a lot, right, being a magnet and having girls all the time wanting to be with me, you know whatever. And then I got friends. It was pulling, but they just wasn't pulling like I was, and that's not no joke, and that just was what it was. I didn't know how to deal with all of that. I had nobody to say yo, it's OK to say nah, bro.

Speaker 2 18:40

Like yeah you ain't got to go. Every girl in the world, it ain't you know. Girl in the world, it ain't you know. I mean you can't objectify and all of this, but when you're dealing with people who haven't been in your shoes and they're looking at your problem as, like yo, I would love to have, that issue. They can only respond from that place yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 19:03

So when you're not secure, like I was I wasn't secure in myself and in my decision making I'm always going to my circle and saying yo, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so they all like feeling me, whatever like well, bro, to do, you know, if it was me, I'll do this, I'll. Why don't you just date both of them and then next week do this? Oh my gosh, instead of saying yo, who you really feeling, bro?

Speaker 1 19:32

this is why it's important to have a super tight knit aligned circle.

Speaker 2 19:40

But oh my gosh again we was young, yeah, but I already had conditioned myself to look outside of myself for answers. So not having a strong spiritual foundation, yeah, or running away from it.

Speaker 1 19:54

You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 19:55

Right, you understand like damn. I yeah, yeah, no, I know how to really face certain issues like I thought I did.

Speaker 1 20:07

Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:08

You know, and then making them decisions on the fly like that. Amen, that's not.

Speaker 1 20:15

You see what I'm saying. I always boy they will have us and, and just for some people, that could be very embarrassing it can be, shameful.

Speaker 1 20:29

You could feel guilty about a whole lot of it. And now, looking at it from a oh my gosh, all these years have passed, you're a full-grown adult, you got family. It's like if you cannot take accountability and responsibility for your old ways, you really can get stuck in them, because taking that responsibility gives you an opportunity to let go of it, to release yourself from whatever emotions that come up for you when you think about those things.

Speaker 2 21:05

Yeah, I remember what was that Two years ago? Maybe it's 2025 now. So three years ago, 2025 now, so three years ago when we had like our first like real hiccup in the relationship, like it was like you know it was, it was, it was red. We were seeing red a lot and I told you that I had reached out to, like some of my my exes.

Breaking Down Personal Growth and Accountability

Speaker 2 21:39

yeah, and the reason why I reached out to them was to apologize for how I had handled things okay right or how I didn't handle things yeah and and and I explained why I did that so for everyone who is listening I was taking responsibility for my old ways so I could clear out the emotional baggage that was lingering around. So that way I could now fully walk into my new relationship with a new set of understanding right and a clean emotional slate. And I know when you heard, when you, when you were like looking at me when I was telling you what I had did, because at first I was like I reached out to my exes and stuff and you know somebody would be like you did what like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 22:39

but you know, learning about how you can have these cores with people still, even if you ain't looking for like them to be with you romantically again and you ain't trying to go down that avenue, you still have emotional ties right that need to be cut. Or how they say you want some closure. Sometimes you don't have to get the closure, but for me, I think I needed that. I think I needed to give them that, not only for myself, but just for the situation in general.

Speaker 1 23:17

And man, that was some tough stuff to do oh, I bet all those years passed and then you sharing it with me like people don't do that, that's not a. That's not a right quote, unquote, normal.

Speaker 1 23:33

Thing yeah but you know, if you want something different, you got to do some different things and that was a very man. It was a noble part of our relationship, like from your standpoint, Because it made me see that you were serious about wanting to be with me, wanting to be with me exclusively, wanting to be with me for the long haul.

Speaker 2 24:06

Yeah, because I didn't know, you know, I didn't know how to be in a relationship. Right, you know what I'm saying. Like I told you, when you're, when you are kind of like you don't have a foundation, a safe place, you have places, yeah, so you're trying to basically take from all these different areas and create a foundation for yourself. Yes, not realizing that some things are going to conflict and you don't really know how to be flexible. You're so rigid because you're like, okay, if I take this from you and this from you and this from you, but then somehow those things that I'm taking are conflicting, what am I supposed to do?

Speaker 2 24:59

right how am I like? Why is life not piecing together in the way that I needed to piece together? You know I'm saying so, yeah, just a lot of that. But, like I said, going back to the original thought with merch, I realized like, oh snap, that's crazy, because I saw myself in him just like I seen myself in Lance and I seen myself, you know, in everybody else.

Speaker 2 25:27

But that one stood out on the back end. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Because I think that a lot of us dudes do deal with that. Dudes do deal with that because also, like you know, um, being like I guess what, uh, I don't know what they call it now, but it was called being a player before you know, like my favorite movie, how to be a player, like thinking that, like a movie is supposed to be life, right, you know, right, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 26:02

And so I embody that shit, not realizing like, bro, you playing a role man, like that's not real.

Speaker 1 26:10

Yeah.

Speaker 2 26:10

You know what I mean, and especially when you're bred and built for the family life Right built for the family life right. But you, but I'm doing everything opposite of trying to cultivate that, even getting people who like yo, I, I want the family life and I'm like, yeah, I want that too, and but I'm over here and over there and over there and over there and over there and everywhere, right. And so it's like taking accountability and saying, like bro, like all right dog, oh, I'm sorry, no, no, you good, sit down, shut up, slow the fuck up.

Speaker 2 26:54

Yeah, and realize that is you. Yeah, you know it's been you. Yeah, some things have happened, but it's you.

Speaker 1 27:05

Mm-hmm, I was going to ask you do you think that people because I'm listening to you with the analogy of this character, who can really, in a lot of people's minds, be considered a place of shame because they don't want to admit, like the, the fact that, yeah, I was a people pleaser, I was a pushover, I, I was very, I was easily influenced by other people and I didn't stand on my own too do you think that's a reason why people, why it's hard for people to take accountability for their old ways, because of the marked shame or embarrassment of like I didn't do it for myself?

Speaker 2 28:14

I think that that's one reason, and it's probably a pretty big reason. You know, it's layered shit you know, I'm saying so I think, yeah, it is. It is uh shameful, especially because, like, we carry a lot of pride right so we don't really know that, like, that's what we've cultivated to be our safe thing Because, again, we all looking for connection. At the end of the day, we're all looking for building something, and you never want to be looked at as weak.

Speaker 1 28:54

Yeah. You know, but that's a that's like a colonizer mindset, mm. Hmm.

Speaker 2 29:02

And we have it all backwards.

Speaker 1 29:05

Right.

Speaker 2 29:06

You know so when you're dealing with. That's why I'm saying, when you're dealing with this stuff, you got to really look at like where a person is moving from because their their value set yeah, so oh I. I can't look weak, which is more like a is. It's based on a lot of the things that have been conditioned to build america, which is not to look weak because everything is treated as or treated through war tactics gotcha you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 29:40

So if you're approaching life like through the art of war, war tactics and not a harmonious, you know, holistic view and value set, then yeah, you see, you can see how somebody will be quick to bury that and try to still move forward through life. I can't be seen as weak, because if I'm seen as weak then they see the chink in my armor and then they may try and come or they could come and infiltrate my spot, right, yeah, and then I lose out on everything and then I have to rebuild again what that sound like War strategy, right, see what I'm saying. So, but when you, when I've been able to over these last couple of years, to change and reset my whole like value set and just paradigm on how to view things, and just paradigm on how to view things, it's allowed me to see it differently, like, okay, when I thought I was being strong, I was actually being weak.

Speaker 1 30:47

Right.

Speaker 2 30:48

Cause I thought yo not really voicing it and saying it was the right thing to do, when really no cause. We're not built to keep anything in Right we literally not. Food come in, it break down and it go out.

Speaker 1 31:05

Mm, hmm.

Speaker 2 31:06

Right, you drink and you sweat.

Speaker 1 31:10

Basically.

Speaker 2 31:11

You get a thought and you speak it.

Speaker 1 31:14

In and out.

Speaker 2 31:15

And when you don't, you get a Megamon head in and out, and when you don't, you get a megamind head. So if you walk around with this big ass brainiac head, because you got so much in there, you ain't speaking right, you know, right, you know, I think, I mean I, I absolutely, I agree with you.

Speaker 1 31:34

I think for myself that's Y'all gonna ask what you think Well, I'm listening to you and while I wasn't in the exact situations and experiences that you had, I definitely was of the place where people held me at a certain level, so they one expected me to just I don't know why have the answers. At whatever age. I had it together. I just knew and I was supposed, or I was supposed, to know this is in the eyes of everyone else, you know thinking oh, you know, sean's got it together, sean's got it together, you'll figure it out. Um, you should do this. Or looking to me for the, you know the, the answers. Um, you know, I didn't have all the guys per se, but there were people who definitely were into me being humble on the show no, really, really.

Speaker 1 32:49

And and if, if they did, I didn't know it, you know, because and I found out years and years later, but I just wasn't in that mindset because I was, I mean track was my boyfriend track and field was my boyfriend and anyone who was in the picture. You know it. It wasn't. People wanted me to be what, that, what were, and I just couldn't see anything beyond next week's track meet.

Speaker 2 33:24

Yeah.

Speaker 1 33:26

And even as I got older, when that I guess, when that, what do you call it? That characteristic was still around, it was whatever I do is going to be my business, everybody don't need to know whatever. But I still had to live with. Whatever decisions I made, and I think, after really learning about masculine versus feminine energy and how one carries it, and energy and how one carries it, I was very much so carrying a masculine beingness because needing to figure it out all the time, saying I'll figure it out all the time, in all facets, not just with boys, dating, you know, but with everything I feel like.

Speaker 1 34:29

And some of the old ways that I had, I can now look at them and say, wow, I know where I was, I can see where I was coming from, a space that just didn't fit I was carrying were very masculine, and so when I wanted to say no, it's like, well, you know what, it's fine, I'll, it'll be, I'll just just this one time. And if I needed to talk with someone, if I needed to speak my mind, I didn't feel like I really could or should, or sometimes even needed to, but that was the ego that I had built up and none of it felt good or right to me, and now you know, all of the years later, it's like well, girl, that wasn't you, that was, that was a role that you played and you never allowed yourself to fully come out. Yeah, I mean, was I me? Yes, because I was still my bubbly self. I was still my, you know, compassionate self to people loving and kind.

Reflecting on Past Performance and Growth

Speaker 1 35:58

But man, oh man, yeah, that didn't. It didn't overshadow, it, didn't play above everything else. Now I'm able to be all of those things that I am and it feels like so different night and day different. So for me it's like I know you asked me from the movie standpoint like who do you think you are in this movie?

Speaker 1 36:22

and it's like same thing. I'm a little bit of, yeah, I'm a little bit of each one of them. I just didn't allow myself to embody all of them at the same time like the, the facets and of one woman, all of those people being one, you know one persona.

Speaker 2 36:47

So yeah, well, you said, uh, thickety thickety thought the book is on the clock that is an inside joke.

Speaker 1 36:59

Y'all that is an inside joke. You had to be there I feel it.

Speaker 2 37:04

So, yeah, like you look at your old ways and you can see um now, when you look at certain movies, certain, and you see how people are being in them shows, and you'd be like, oh, like damn, I did that and you. But you would be like, yo, I can't believe that you motherfucking doing that.

Speaker 1 37:27

But you know you, you will only accept it if you're open. Right To saying dang. I was like that.

Speaker 2 37:40

That was me.

Speaker 1 37:41

If you're not open to it, if you're not ready to take responsibility for your old ways, don't go looking at these movies trying to judge them and then say, oh, that wasn't me, I didn't do that. It's like no, I dig a little deeper.

Speaker 2 37:59

Right.

Speaker 1 38:03

Dig a little deeper and see if you're, If you're in your 30s, if you're in your early 30s, late 30s, if your early 30s looked a certain way. Mid 30s did they look a certain way. Go back a little further in your 20s Did they look a certain way. Mid 30s did they look a certain way. Go back a little further in your 20s did they look a certain way. Shoot for some. Go back a little bit deeper in your teens did you look a certain way and just did not accept that for today, for who you were yeah it's an old.

Speaker 1 38:29

It's old, it's in the past. Nobody's saying you have to embody that now. Nobody's saying you have to embody that now. Nobody's saying you have to be that now. But if you don't accept who you were and the shifts that you've made through your teens, your 20s, your 30s, your 40s maybe, if you're listening and you're in a different age bracket if you can't go back and accept those ways, it's going to stunt your growth for the years you have left in front of you. It just is.

Speaker 2 39:04

You're going to burn out, but quick. You're going to do what I did Burnt the fuck out.

Speaker 1 39:11

Yes.

Speaker 2 39:12

Burnt, burnt. Why do you think you would burn, were burnt out, man? Because everything was a performance. Everything, every day, was a performance, gosh that sounds tiring no, no, like listen every day since childhood was a performance. I. I know people can be like man. You exaggerating, I'm not Every day, wow, you had to turn it on Because you got to think. Well, you because you know, but not them, you all who are listening.

Speaker 2 39:50

My household was very, very emotionally abusive, right like my upbringing, so I had I spent a lot of time with family yeah uh, you know, there being a different value set between my father and my mother and them not really knowing how to navigate it, them not having the language yeah them not having the the um most emotional wherewithal or awareness or maybe even the patience you know from what I saw, I don't know what they all endured and how. If they really did try, I don't know, I'm only talking about from my viewpoint.

Speaker 1 40:34

Right.

Speaker 2 40:35

Because my brother could have had an entirely different. You know experience. Because he's older, seven year difference, right, but from my point where they was at with me, it was different.

Speaker 1 40:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2 40:47

So it's like being great at sports, being the cool kid, the talented one who can? Dance. Who can draw the girls like them. You know you great in sports, so much so that, like you, you, you are the best. And then when you got with other people who were the best, y'all made each other better.

Speaker 2 41:15

It wasn't like you went down and diminished, right, but all of that going on and then you come home to not be seen, right. You come home to be like hand. You know whipping, whipping, crack, and you know I'm saying just like no presence for real, but they doing the best they can with what where they were, right, you know. So every day was a performance. It was always like I can't let them know that this is bothering me at the house. So I got to excel out here. So I'm going to be very extra with everything that I do. You know what I'm saying and that just carried on, carried on Elementary school, middle school, high school, college.

Speaker 1 42:08

It's always like that.

Speaker 2 42:09

It's like never really being able to dive into the stability aspect. It's like yo I'm drowning back here but all y'all see is this person that's showing up and it's like it's almost like an actor. Yeah, you don't know what's going on with them personally while they're filming these movies. Right, the places they gotta go to get into character and remain in character to give you the best performance that you're expecting and that's required right and that's how my life felt wow you know I'm saying so, everything that I was doing.

Speaker 2 42:51

I was telling bro this the other day. It was like and so this is me taking accountability for my old ways. It was like everything that I was doing. I've never learned how to do anything for myself. So because so much so that I became a very selfish person, not realizing that I had became selfish.

Speaker 1 43:19

Wow.

Speaker 2 43:19

Because I was always doing for others, even if they didn't know it. I was doing it though. Yeah Right, the life I was trying to cultivate with moms, that was my. That was my why. I wasn't even doing this shit for me. So, even if I was like not really feeling the sport, or you see what I'm saying, I was doing it because I had the talent and that was going to be our way to do, you know, to have a better life, right Shouldering you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 43:52

Um, and then now it's like you got this other talent, try that. That. You gonna get us on you all way out, bro. Like, do that, bro, you should be a model. You're gonna get us out of here. Do that, bro. You got the musical ear and you got a dope voice. You should probably do music. Do that, you're gonna be our way out.

Speaker 2 44:12

It's like you see what I'm saying so everything is being exploited, but nobody is helping me deal with what comes with learning new skills, navigating all of those arenas all the time and no one's saying hey, bro, you all right yeah like what's going on with you, bro, in your life, like what's really going on. They just lack of mental health awareness. They just expecting you to be this thing yeah see what I'm saying. So but but I realized like dang, yeah, bro, you were selfish and you didn't even realize it.

Speaker 1 44:52

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 44:53

You know, Wow.

Speaker 1 44:55

Yeah, always who are there because you know you have come out, are continuing to come out of that shell, something that you can share, that has helped you to come out of that place where every day is a performance, and now it's like I could finally turn off and just be me.

Speaker 2 45:41

Yeah, you got to get real. Firstly, with yourself, you got to learn how to be vulnerable. With yourself, you got to learn how to be vulnerable and then, in your vulnerability, you get to the truth.

Speaker 1 46:02

Yeah.

Speaker 2 46:04

You don't have to do a podcast or you know, you ain't got to put it all out into the world.

Speaker 1 46:13

They start small.

Speaker 2 46:14

Start with yourself. Start with a journal, you know whatever, or having the tough conversation with whoever you know you got to have a tough conversation with and not expecting not having an expectation, but coming in, being transparent, right, yes, to allow truth to be able to come in and either deepen the bond or separate you all.

Speaker 1 46:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2 46:58

Because most of the time we're not telling the truth, because we're fearful and we don't want to lose a person. But the reason why you don't want to lose that person is for selfish reasons anyway. So that's what I'm saying. It all circles back to self most of the time you don't realize how selfish you're being in a situation when you're holding on clinging on to a person who probably just ain't really supposed to be there.

Speaker 1 47:26

Yeah, not for that, maybe not the journey yeah, like for that part.

Speaker 2 47:30

Yeah, you know, I'm saying um and you just get to a point, yo, where you like, yo, like I'm, I am fucking fed up exactly until you get to that point is not gonna change, right like it's not because you not like the same thing with the smoking and the drinking? You, only you can be the person to decide yo, I'm done, it's cool to say it, but then it's another thing. When you like nah, like I, yo, yeah and you actually do it and you embody that.

Speaker 1 48:16

Yeah, you're right. I have another tip for people also, because this is something that came up for me when I started that journey of like, taking responsibility for my old ways is, uh, has to do itself, and it is remembering, or even, for some people, becoming aware of your worthiness, your worth, because I think that when we get lost in the performance, we lose our worth. We lose bits that you know might not be all at once, but it'll be bits and pieces, and you try to force yourself to stay in a certain space or a certain mindset, a certain way of being, because that's what you're used to, it's comfortable, it's what you know, but all the while you're chipping away at your self-worth and you forget that you're a whole person too.

Speaker 1 49:30

You a thing, so that would be know. My tip is, you know, to remember your self-worth and remember that you are worthy of having really truly what you want, not what not simply what other people want for you.

Speaker 2 49:50

And you're worth having things for reasons that are beyond getting validation and admiration right from those around you and from people who don't even know you right right. You're worth cultivating the life that is for you, because that's how you want it to be. You know, I'm saying I think that's important yeah I think that's extremely important in getting back to self-worth and, you know, taking responsibility for them. Old trash ass ways, dog like this is what it is yep, you don't have to wear it.

Speaker 1 50:35

You could, but acknowledging it so that you can let it go, so that you can open up yourself to what actually is supposed to be for you yeah you know, because what's for you is not just simply what other people think of you.

Speaker 2 50:54

For sure.

Speaker 1 50:55

What other people think you should have. Yeah, you know they see something in you and that's cool. That's them. What do you see for you? Like even more than that, what does the creator see for you? What did the creator put you here for that? Seek that out.

Speaker 2 51:11

I'm finna go in there because I was about to say being selfish, right.

Speaker 1 51:17

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 51:18

What I was going to say after that was a realization that happens when you really are seeking healing or you're seeking answers for your life.

Speaker 1 51:31

Yeah.

Speaker 2 51:32

Because only you only get answers for others. When you get answers for yourself, yeah Right, and you become a fine-tuned instrument to then be able to be equipped to help others with circumstances, situations, whatever. I realized that I never had a relationship, like I thought I did, with spirit at all, my own spirit or God, whatever you want to call it.

Speaker 2 52:13

My relationship came through my mother, and so when my mom passed, my shit was severed. There was no doubt, you know. So here I am, thinking that I have a relationship, but my relationship is through a third party wow see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 52:33

Yeah, so I lost it when, when she passed away, not realizing that that was my relationship, right, and I remember, you know, and I'm, I'm meditating, right, just meditating, and I remember a voice kind of just saying to me like you know, you, you've done all these great things and you did them Trying not to be selfish.

Speaker 1 53:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2 53:07

But you didn't do them for me, wow. You did these things and you did them for you and whoever else that was close to you, but you never did it for me, right? Will you do it for me?

Speaker 1 53:28

that's an obedience that we always. That was like one of the first times that I heard something clear. Yeah.

Speaker 2 53:37

That brought all of that up, because it was like oh snap, I thought I was. You know what I'm saying. I thought I was, even now, like I was, like I thought I was doing the thing and it's like nah, let me show you real quick where you were at, right, Right. And so when I realized that, I was like, ok, because I'm not even talking about which religion or which way that a person is moving, whether it's spirituality or a die-hard religion like christianity and all, like I ain't talking about that, I'm just talking about solely your relationship period. To think that I had a relationship, but really it was through my mom. And then when my mother passed away and I'm and I'm just not understanding why like I don't feel connected to nothing.

Speaker 1 54:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2 54:40

It was like a two for one with her.

Speaker 1 54:43

Right.

Speaker 2 54:43

You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 54:44

Right.

Speaker 2 54:46

So doing the work to actually cultivate a relationship and build a foundation for yourself is really, really essential. And if you don't know how to do it, sometimes you just got to shut the fuck up, sit down somewhere with no sound and just breathe and listen. For real, I'm telling you, because people be like like man, this nigga sound like a buddhist and he sound like a monk on a like you know, I mean and, and, or the kung fu masters like nah yo. There's a real thing. These are ancient practices right, you know that that are embedded in our dna. It's not like this is just something that you just picking up on, it's something that you remember.

Speaker 1 55:39

That's say that again, yeah.

Speaker 2 55:41

We not like when you, when you start to tap into spirituality, it's less about learning something new and it's more about you remembering things Right, because it's more about you remembering right things right, because it's already in you. Yes, you already started the game at level two. That's why things in life hit you harder, because you're already equipped with the answers. Yes, but you're running away from the foundation that was already inside of you to begin with yep, so.

Speaker 1 56:13

So when people hear you say to you, you already have everything you need.

Speaker 2 56:18

Hence why I got what I got.

Speaker 1 56:22

Yep, yep.

Speaker 2 56:25

So yeah, I leave you with that.

Speaker 1 56:29

Yeah, I think that's a dope way to leave you all Remember who you are, and don't take these times for granted, or take all of it and be pitiful for yourself like no take it there is. There is a lesson for you to learn. Some of it comes from remembering who the you are james earl jones.

Speaker 2 56:55

I appreciate your life and everything that you made it, because it all boils down to one word that you said remember who you are yes, hey one saying boy. One thing remember those cartoons have some deep yes One saying. Boy, One saying Remember.

Speaker 1 57:15

Those cartoons have some deep messages from back in the day.

Speaker 2 57:20

Man. Rest in paradise to him, because that's a real thing. Remember who you are.

Speaker 1 57:28

Yep, we tell our daughter Sakara. You know she's five months old. We tell her every day remember where you came from. Yeah, so you can help us navigate who you're supposed to be and help lead you to where you're supposed to be every day. Either daddy will tell her or mommy will tell her. Remember where you came from, so you can share it with us. So we know. Like that's a real thing yeah, real thing, man.

Speaker 2 57:57

So yeah, we always appreciate y'all time.

Speaker 2 58:01

This episode was really dope yeah, and we finding a nice groove amongst one another. We will be bringing you interviews soon as well. Until that time, just keep rocking out with us. Wwwcannotalkmyshiftcom is where you can find all the episodes from all the seasons. We're also streaming on on every single platform that you can find podcast. Yep, if you listen on apple music, make sure that you download the episodes, because that helps not only us but anyone else who is looking for this type of talk. It allows them to find it easier and find our show a little bit easier. We'll get back on YouTube soon. We are on YouTube the audio version of the podcast, not the video version. We'll bring that back soon as well. We'll bring that back soon as well. And yeah, ig handles the lg underscore, sam walker inspo. And can I talk my shift? Are the ig handles for instagram and what else? You got anything?

Speaker 1 59:08

uh, not quite, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna share some other stuff, you know, with time, but that for now big things under wraps.

Speaker 2 59:16

we're aligning with some, uh, with some sponsors. We got some other things that we've been working on and trying to really gel life together and, you know, with some affiliate marketing and just some, you know just a lot of creative things that we've been trying to implement. But for now, we appreciate you rocking out with us on the pod. Keep podding with us. We're going to keep podding for y'all and that's how we're going to do Keep the ecosystem running smooth.

Speaker 1 59:46

Oh yeah, Thank you so much for this talk. Love, I love you.

Speaker 2 59:49

I love you too. All right, y'all Till next time.